Darte Luz

Somos seres de luz.
We are beings of light.  Energy.

Break us down to it's minimal level, beyond atoms, beyond protons, neutrons and electrons-- we are energy. 
Cómo nos golpeamos la cabeza por lo material: lo que tenemos, lo que no tenemos, lo que somos y lo que queremos ser, cómo queremos ser. 
We go around bumping heads, beating ourselves up with what we have, what we don't have, what we are, what we want to be, how we want to be. 

Nos une la luz.  Nos une la energía que atraemos, que mutamos en nosotros y repartimos. 
Light brings us together. We are bonded by light--that which we attract, repel, receive, twist and turn, share. 

Donde hay luz hay obscuridad. La belleza los opuestos, la fe en lo opuesto. Siempre hay posibilidad de otro, de lo contrario, de rendirse y probar lo desconocido y distinto.  No hay sino que nos condene, no hay presente que no escurra y no se vuelva pasado. 
El elemento de fe, el poder de abstracción de estimar, decidir, confabular y encaminar. 
Where there is light there is darkness. The beauty of opposition, faith in the existence of the opposite.  There always lies amongst us something else, the other, the possibility of surrendering and trying the unknown, the different, the unusual.  There is no designated star, no oracle that condemns us.  There is no such things a present that does not slide through us and doesn't become past.
Faith, hope. The power of the abstract, of estimating, deciding, confabulating and directing.

Toda actividad y acción atrae, recibe, encapsula, comparte, entrega energía.  Desde lo que se considera innato, mecánico--como la respiración--recorre este flujo.  Actos complejos se atan al flujo energético. 
Luz. Frecuencia. Vida.
El acto de amar, en el reino físico como el emocional, es un pasar de energía. El ir y venir, el alejarse para acercarse, el entregar y recibir, el entrar y salir. 
Dar Luz.
Every action attracts, receives, holds, shares and delivers energy.  From what might be considered innate, habitual and mechanical--such as the breath--undergoes this flow.  Complex, compound actions all bind to this energy flow.
Light. Frequency. Life.
Love. The act of loving, both in the physical and emotional realm, sums up to a passing of energy.  The coming and going, the stepping away to come close, the giving and receiving, entering and exiting.
To Give Light.

DAR LUZ- (Elizabeth Morris)
Sombra no me dejes sola
no te vayas con el viento.
Puedo ser también tu sombra
dibujar tus movimientos,
ya no sé cómo explicarte
que tu lluvia me hace falta
que me ate al dulce veneno
de tu amor que se me arranca.

Dices que tienes miedo
que no te atreves a amar de nuevo.
Yo solo quiero darte luz
cobijar tus sueños,
abre esa ventanita del corazón
que has olvidado
antes de que amanezca
quiero saber si estas a mi lado.

Lluvia, mójame despacio
cada vez que estés desnuda
yo también puedo mojarte
repartir mi danza muda.

Dices que tienes miedo
y de repente desapareces,
yo me quedo en silencio
como tantas veces.
Abre esa ventanita del corazón
que estoy llorando.

I love you morning

Waking up before the crack of dawn.  
After silencing my alarm clock I lie on bed for a few minutes. What day is it? What is going on? 
Checking in with this world, saying farewell to world of dreams. 
New adventures to encounter, new obstacles to endure. 
OK. GO. 

I love mornings. 
I love love mornings.

I have been experiencing this new energy run through me. It has another quality. It's a giggle, it's electric.  It's like water running in, out, through.  It's also smoke, slowly covering every inch of my body. It's playful, it's sensual, it's creative. 
The feeling of being an animal.  The feeling of being instinctive, being alive and aware of what's going on around. 
The static winds have been driving me crazy with excitement. Wanting to go out and let it swirl me. Hit my face, breathe it in. 
The rain has shown me power. Has shown me about rhythm, waves of water; shown me the beauty of listening, waiting, letting go.

Today the mountains have shown me greatness. Beauty. Magnificence. 
The Andes today are pure art: provoking a range of emotions in me. Wanting to stand and stare. 
I love you morning. 

* Fía.

I fall

A drop of wine.
A round thick burgundy drop.
Luscious drops that blush my cheeks, heat my body.

I'm not much of a drinker, but there are moments when it surely is a good companion.

There must be a reason for my allusion to wine. It might be the predicted rain for these next two days that make me want to run and hide in some remote place surrounded by nature, by a chimney, a bottle of wine and some nice company.
The light and heat of fire, surrounding my skin, dancing in front of me.

My eyelids slowly open and close...each minute making the opening and closing a bit longer. I feel my body, my mind, surrendering to the possible impossible. To the possibly maybe. Where I can travel, visit, experience with no boundaries--no time, no beginning or ending, no consequences or fear.
I speak different languages, I speak with no words. I meet the forbidden, I reach the unreachable.
And blink, blink, blink.
I'm giving in, I give in, I surrender and fight no more.
How nice and seductive it feels to let go and fall into the arms of night.
To fall into arms, fall into you.

You conquer me.
I follow.
I breathe you.
I suck your air, which makes me dizzy.
Head over feet.
I smoke you in,
I drop my head back.

How much longer can I resist?

I fall into you.

Far Away, So Close

So much has been said about this idea.  So close and yet so far...and vice versa, far away so close. 

I think this is a nice way of pointing out that the physical world is only one dimension to things, and that inversely, real connection, true bonding, close hearts can sometimes not necessarily touch.

I write out to i don't know who.  I sometimes feel like it's a direct voice to someone/something. Sometimes it is just a voice to myself. Sometimes it's just a crystallized drop from my inner fountain, without a receiver. 
Still i write.  From a place where mind meets heart meets body. 
I feel things. My words arouse me.
Never been so truthful. 

Far away so close.
You are.
Far away so close.
My dream.

Far away so close you put me to sleep.
Far away so close you rise me.

The blackened sky and diamond stars envelop our bodies.
If i were wind, i'd travel towards your skin.
If i were air, i'd search your lips.

Far away so close.
You are.
I dream you.
For there we meet, for there you are.

Far away so close.
I'll meet you.
Resisting is useless, you are not here.
But you'll come.

It's what we yearn, what we attract and what we dream. Doubt is the enemy, loss of faith is doom. Colors, life and love are always with us, ready to be found.

Fía.

Howl

Howl.

I howled. Two nights ago. Literally. I felt the spirit within me take over. A larger light rising.
Under the rain, literally. Below the high voltages of lightning and the rolling of thunder. Literally.

And it was great proof of how we are all coming from the same blood, the same mother nature, born from the same sap.
I saw myself as bird, as wolf, as feline, as flower.
Looking up. Senses activated. Full attentive.

And there is something greater.
A greatness that sprouts from within, and then surrounds us. 
I felt nothing and everything under the shouting night. 

Nature spoke, and my animal spirit responded. 
Literally.

Was it a coincidence that I was watching a film about the Tree of Life?
Is it a coincidence it has been something I've been discussing and reflecting upon lately?
Is it pure chance that I cover myself every night with an Indian illustration of the tree? 
...

I am fascinated observing the world work. Fascinated by discovering my being here, my relationships and how each connection is absolutely unique, one and only. 
There are moments when i just don't want to talk, and i call for feeling, exploring.  I'm a bit tired of empty blabber or conversations that lack blood. I listen to politics and it's all a miserable show.  Bad taste and very far away from truth. I see how language has deteriorated and now it's all empty words with bad spelling, lack of meaning. 
I want to cast some light on simple, full, rich moments. 
Holding, caressing someone else's skin...with yours. 

Feel the rain. It's falling..from the sky. 
It cleanses, it bathes, it's water (life!) falling down on us. 
There's lightning and energy, there's light. 
Thunder. Roaring. 

Howl. 

Somersault

I write not about gymnastics, though a hidden secret desire of mine has always been to be a gymnast, somersault away...or a dancer.  
(how cliché of me, girly of me, i know)

I write about heart somersaults.  The twist and turns of the heart.  
Surprises,
Leaps of joy,
Unexpected happenings,
Overwhelming emotions. 

We've all had them. 
A flirty smile, an outrageous laugh, playful tears, or a minuscule drop of sorrow. A gasp of air, a trembling shout, a deep sigh, a provocative moan.

One of those moments that makes you feel alive, makes you realize of the present moment, provides the comprehension that you are not alone, that there is an inevitable connection with others, with the belonging to something bigger than yourself. 

I absolutely love and live for those moments.

I dwell on such thoughts. Sure "i could be doing something more productive", i could say....and it's taken me thousands of minutes, days and weeks to believe it is nonsense, believe it with my whole body. 
I've shoved it out of the way, played dumb, numbed my heart and my body--believing life must be "filled" with useful actions, with useful things.  
There is nothing to fill.
What is useful? And to who? For what?

I'm not the same person i was. I'm learning about compassion, I'm exploring forgiveness, I'm discovering the feverish delight of feeling, yearning, desiring. 

I invite those correct, polite, rigid, straight-lined pedestrians to somersault. 

Leap up and back and around. Defy gravity, fly. Entrust your heart, open the solar plexus. Extend your arms, trust your hands. Let your body follow, place your feet on the ground, let the blood rush through you, and stand.  Feel.  
Somersault.

Fía.

PICAFLOR

pica, pica, picaflor.

Tengo un amigo de alas veloces.
Se mimetiza con los verdes, amarillos.
Tan pequeño, tan frágil.
Me gustas.

Rápido, un rayo de energía.
Te inyectas en las flores,
succionas la miel más pura,
dulce de vida.
Te suspendes en tu alimento,
en la delicia.

Vienes y te vas.
Volverás mañana?

Ser pequeño,
fuerte,
bello y audaz.
Me gustas.
Soy tuya. 

Somos todos seres hermosos. Somos todos parte de lo que nos rodea, y nuestro comportamiento con aquello nos hace formar parte de la hermosura. Somos todos espíritus con historias, todos con historias que contar e historias que crear. 
La naturaleza--todo lo viviente-- vive, muere y se vuelve a generar. Yo soy tierra, soy aire, fuego, agua y aire. 
Por qué desconocer(nos)? Por qué maltratar(nos)? 

Mi alma sabe de bosques, sabe de montañas, campos, desiertos, mares, volcanes, selvas.  
Con todo eso amo.  Amo con mi cuerpo entero--mi amor pasado, mi presente amor y aquello que podría amar.

--Fía.

Last night i had a dream

Yesterday I dreamt about cliffs. 
I dreamt about rocky cliffs and forests.
Rocky cliffs and forests and ocean.

I was traveling, walking, exploring.
Climbing, descending, breathing and observing.
I was not alone. 
I had my loved ones with me. 
In my journey.
But I was me.
I was I. 
On my feet.
On my path.

In my dream I took pictures.
I took pictures of what i saw, of what i felt.
The pictures were of green, grayish-black rocks and ocean mist.

The waves hit hard, 
hit with no pain, but with life. 
The forests breathed that pure mist,
so did my lungs. 

I jumped and played amongst the rocks,
I was dreaming a dream. 

I noticed a bear, 
a white and black bear that lived beneath and between the rocks.
I went to him.

There were shouts of warning,
of fear.
But i went.
I jump and he came after me.
He placed his mouth in my back and kissed me.

I jumped and he came after me.
He placed his head beneath me and lifted me.
I turned around. 
Stood still.
We gazed at each other and came close.
Our necks embraced each other. 
We caressed each other. 

I climbed and left him.
He is a part of me. 
I am a part of him.

I dreamt of rocks, of forests, of ocean.
I dreamt of a heart.
I dreamt of life and spirit.

--Fía.

Piece of me

The yearning to write. 
It's been beating inside me for days, weeks even. 
Now sitting in my kitchen table-- wearing my cooking apron, smelling the mild sweetness of a freshly baked zucchini-cherry cake, and perceiving how the sun sets, welcoming the black night-- i sit and write.
Ah, bliss.

I come across ideas, 
I run into words,
I experience new magical moments,
I read some exciting piece of writing,
I wake up from a fascinating dream...
all calls me to write. 

And i write key words in loose pieces of papers. 
On a random post-it,
A receipt,
The last page of a notebook,
On my calendar.

What should i address now? 
How can these little jewels scattered in my mind come together to create a beautiful treasure to share?
           I shall not push it. 
           I shall not fall into the tempting hands of expectation.
           Like a flock of geese, that flies across the silky sky, i shall let it run through me. 

As never before have I lived through my body, breathed the air of each new coming day, and have given myself a space for gratefulness, compassion, and contentment. 
The glass half full or half empty?
The grass is greener on the other side? 
(but have you ever been "on the other side"? or better yet, have you ever given yourself the chance to ever "be on the other side?")

I have long been on the empty half of things, on the sterile, dirt, grass-less side. 
And for goodness sake, how tiring, time-consuming, motion-less, stressful it is! 
Identifying with this state of being, defining myself as a part of the disgrace, and making it normal can be the worst kind of addiction.
I existed because I felt lacking.
I existed because of my daily suffering. 
That was normal, that was the way it should be. 

I had read about turning the page. About making a switch.
I heard people talk of the goodness and miracle of life-- and i had tiny moments of clarity, never quite long enough to permeate.
I watched videos, read articles, had long conversations with myself...
but alas! 
I had to live through it. 

And now i say: it actually is somewhat like turning a page.
It is making a step, that feels so good, that you basically can't and won't go back. 

I ask myself (even though it's not particularly very useful) what/how did this all begin? 
I've reviewed in my mind memories, experiences.  Used the analytical microscope to get a hold of a specific moment when playing through life, daring to follow impulses, creating, speaking, imagining, exploring became "dangerous".
Where did all the fear come from? 
Where and when did the calculating, the panic, the over-analyzing, and the controlling start to reign my free spirit? 
And my answer can't get any better than this: it's epidemic. It's been installed very cleverly and very deeply in the spirit of societies. It's the dark current that has been weaved into us. 
It's a system of imprisonment. We are the prisoners in Plato's cave, we are made to think we are in the land of the free, but lets take a better look, shall we?

There is no time for spontaneity.  No space for the curious, the playful, the explorer, the daring. 
It is truly weakening, making us ill. 
For example, i believe sex is not something you do, it's a place you go. 
We are forgetting such place.  Fearing it, underestimating it. 
Making blood, hearts and minds cold. Stone cold.

How stimulating is it to be aroused, to have have your temperature rise, to experience desire, pleasure and eroticism?  
No energizing drink, strong espresso or hot chili can compare. 
You glow. 

So.
Well-being, love and happiness.  
Being able to stand on your feet, willingly and faithfully take a step.  
Contentment. There is no greener side, there is no other side. Make this one green.
Compassion. You are you: with you, with others.  For you, for others.You are part of you and of us all.
Grace.

I love waking up at the crack of dawn, and breathe with the Earth, communing with life. 
It is priceless, unmeasurable, giving yourself the time to hear the sounds inside you and around you.
Sensing day by day the temperature in your skin.
Allowing your thoughts, ideas, dreams and feelings surf through the currents of your spirit.
Perceiving how the world works with you: your heart beats and beats and beats, while the sun rises and rises and rises.

My plants have taught me the law of giving and receiving. The beauty of caring. 
Sharing is so important.
Well-being is so sexy and appealing.

...more to come.
** Fía. 

Silenzio

 A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take a bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked:

 'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'

 Disciples thought for a while, one of them said,'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'

 'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.'asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.

Finally the saint explained, .

'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

 What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...'

The saint continued,'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper'n they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other'n that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

He looked at his disciples and said. 

'So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.”

I came across this story weeks ago and something trembled inside me. 
Trembled out of comprehension. The necessity of us to raise our voice. Is it a call for connection?
Is it a yearning of closeness? 
A loss of communication? 

Silence.
Silencio.
Silenzio.
Stille.

A universal call.
A moment of pure understanding.
An instance of listening, belonging, giving and receiving.

Vulnerability shows its face.
Do not fear.
Simplicity salutes you.
Welcome it.
Peace is acknowledged.
Surrender.

You belong.
I belong.
We belong.
I exist because you exist.
We co-exist.

Is this love that abounds me,
you,
it all?
The blaze of love is bursting me.
Is love this sweet and sour?

A blade is cutting,
a blade of grass is passing right through me.
It cuts and heals.
It makes my chest pound forward and up,
back and down.

There are waves to this silence.
There are colors.
There is movement to our hearts binding.
There is flow.

You belong.
I belong.
We belong.
Silencio.

fía.

Salty Fingertips

I am literally peeling pistachios at the moment.  My fingertips are slightly white (from the residue of the shells and salt).  I have before me a jar of the most beautiful greenish-purplish nuts.  These will later become part of home-made granola for a sweet dear friend of mine.

As i decided to peel, i thought i'd look at listen to some music, but then remembered "hey! there was this TED video i've been wanting to see...".
So i hit play.

It made me cry.
It made me shake.
It made me smile.
It made me sigh.

It interrupted my peeling activity, indeed.  Made me lick my fingers, making me twitch and quiver from the salt..but all that doesn't matter.
I just had to write.

Write about the wonderfulness (does that word even exist?) of what we are, of who we are.  The wonderfulness of who i am. Just like you. And the person next to you, or the person walking past you, or the last person you say or even thought about!
I am wonderful.  Where i am is wonderful and beautiful and sublime and powerful.
There is, what i like to call, an "instinctive" "innate" "inherent" feeling of connection we all have.  Some are in the sleep-mode, others have an unreliable network, others are privileged to have a high-speed-ongoing connection. But i doubt someone to be lacking the power to connect or that is just completely offline.
What i'm trying to say is that we all, in some sort of internal fiber, know/feel a part of something..something bigger.  And there is no doubt in my mind that we all want good, as opposed to bad. It's just a matter of focus.
Let us all unite in the calling of peace.
Let us all join the song of love.
Let us all surrender to beauty,
Let us all be seduced by irresistible love.

What do you choose?

Love of a Cricket

Crickets and their burden of good luck.
Is there such thing?
Carrying the weight of spectacular creatures that provide wealth, richness, good fortune.
What about their own well-being?
Maybe it's the finding of a specific leaf to nibble, a tasteful grain of soil, a warm safe home.  
Or maybe a lovely drop of water?
               moments of silence/silence of the night/night becoming morning/morning is still dark/darkness at stillness coming to an end/end of sleep for others/awaiting for the sun.  Sun wake up, moon go to sleep.  
               moments of silence and i feel a profound connection of this home of mine, that hold me and so many other creatures.  It's such a heartfelt feeling that i must give myself a moment to just breathe. It's as if i can hear the heartbeats of all of us. Hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, zillions. It makes me feel so tiny, yet so significant. A cricket of my own. Could i ever be a lucky charm of someone, something?
                moments of silence. Stillness. And i think, feel, stories: Love of a Cricket.

Love of a Cricket
Cricket- Gryllidae is my name.
Chirping is my gift. 
Chirping to attract you.
I rub my wings for you, love.

I can feel you close, please come.
I sing to you, please come.
We only have a year, at the most,
Come.

The night is quiet,
the night is quiet and warm.
We are lucky, do you know that?
We are lucky for being us.
I am lucky to have you. 
Please come..?

While others sleep we can love.
It might be contagious,
let us inspire.

I feel you, please come.
Fiery goddess, please come.
Is that you?
Come, come.
I'll defy spiders, lizards, tortoises and frogs.
Come.

The blazing Sun will make us glow.
A night of passion.
An affair of 365.
Listen, listen,
Come, come
Come.

Shmiling

Sometimes i wonder whether i'm somewhat odd...or maybe a little crazy or just plain silly.
What makes me think so?
Well, i feel things, i think upon things that are extra-ordinary; hence, sometimes (i can't be so unfair with myself to say always) i think back and can't help sighing or shaking my head as a gesture of : "oh, that was kind of stupid".

It's when you're struggling with sleep: you move your legs around, your feet are constantly dancing with the sheets, you close your eyes, you open your eyes, you look at the time...the night is endless AND any sort of problem, any kind of trouble, just seems like the end of the world--making you feel anxious, nervous, worried, desperate.
Don't fight it. Embrace it. You're not sleeping.
I don't fight it. I embrace it. I'm not stupid or silly or crazy.

I've written before about my sensitivity, so i won't get into that.  But it is a major point in my life, and just like my gorgeous friend said to me (all the way from Dresden) i shall embrace it.  I embrace the important role my senses play in my life, i embrace my old-lady.  Because i am one, in a way. It gives me great pleasure to sit with someone, share a moment of good conversation, maybe in the company of some wine, feeling each other, sharing with each other. Yum.
Or walking. Just walking...and talking, or maybe not even.

Today i had a few starry moments of bliss. Little milestones in the day that made my heart sparkle and now, as i lay in bed typing, make corner of my lips curl up and smile.

Moment 1: gardening. Barefoot, scissors in hand, a bag and a little basket. Watering my plants, running my fingers through every one of them: cleaning leaves, cutting old branches, singing to them, and collecting little fruits (such as tomatoes, strawberries and wheatgrass).
Moment 2: Emilia. My little sweet, precious niece.  Alone in the living room, playing with her feet and caressing her tiny toes. Kisses included. Feeding her and sharing a moment of pure, focused staring at each others eyes.
Moment 3: Walking home in the afternoon.  Sun is shining, but giving off more light than blazing heat. Slight breeze on trees. Sidewalks somewhat empty. Breathing the air and feeling the skin of my arms, being aware of my whole body. Breathing and walking, at times, with my eyes closed. Giving in.
Moment 4: Kitchen. Cooking a tomato-basil brown rice. Cutting fresh vegetables. Music. Singing and slightly dancing. Hands smell of fresh basil, i repeat a song again and again and again (3 times). It's sensual and inviting.

Those were my moments today. And i thank my senses for taking them in. I feel alive.  Something urged me to write these words before entering the world of dreams...
This turned out to be a bit of a personal blog.  Fia's World.
Love & Light!

** does it intrigue you what song i listened and sang to this afternoon? HIT PLAY!

Sacrifice

Sacrifice-

In my moments of reflection, which usually happen early in the morning when it's still dark outside or late at night--when the light in my nightstand has been turned off and i'm left lying horizontally, eyes shut with the soundtrack of the night playing in my ears.
During these moments i think on life--the flow of it all.  The giving and receiving, the actions and reactions, the in and out, the balance.

And boom! There comes this big word: Sacrifice.
I've read about it, i've given it a lot of thought, and i've questioned:

How does "sacrifice" fit in my life? In my daily life?
With pain?
With distress?
With exhaustion?
With Truth?

There is the usual, conventional notion of sacrifice of giving something up, and getting something better in return.
The Vedas and Upanishads (most ancient Hindu philosophical texts) stand behind a different point of view towards sacrifice: it is something to be offered, not lost.  It is given without the expectation of giving something up.
Also conceived as a wisdom that is gained without begging.

It took me a while to truly grasp what these words meant.  **Note: i'm in no way saying that i've mastered or even fully grasped the concept of sacrifice.  
In today's world, where there is an air of selfishness and ambition governing us all, the plain idea of sacrifice is out of the equation of life. Just considering the key word of such statements-- offering?! 

It pains me, it really does, when i perceive the loss of human touch..of human spirit!
in relationships, in work atmospheres, in essentials such as health and education. It's not about the wellness anymore, who cares about the sick or the child? 
"Can they pay the bill?" 
"Yes?" 
chi-ching!
"No?"
bam (door shut in the face)

I sometimes feel a slight crazy questioning it all and feeling truly affected. I wouldn't renounce to it, by any means, but just fall into this state of awe when i see how those who have the political, economic and social power to change things are so removed. 

Here is my bizarre perception of life. I can't find another way of describing it but in abstract images and feelings.
Play along with me here:

It's as if life happened in frequencies.
How does that work?
Ok, let me set the scene-- just like a theatrical play.
There is space and time, inevitably.  Life is running through me and through us all in a determined frequency.  The high frequency of life.  This wave of energy exists in itself and is pure knowledge, pure consciousness-- stable, at ease, strong and light.
Then all the creatures of the world run through their own frequency, their own wave--varying in length, intensity, even color.  They are all a part of life energy, come from it, just not always in tune with it.
So there is this orchestra, symphony of waves--some are dissonant, some harmonious, some completely flat, others in permanent  rest.
And it's OK.  It's all changeable, it all varies..there lies the beauty of it all.

It is important though to take a moment and check the frequency.  Take a moment of abstract thinking, of assessment and contemplation.  Some things, habits, are deeply engrained--set in automatic.  And time does make us more and more rusty.  We all know how age affects our physical realm..it's not quite different with our psyche.
It takes courage and a huge act of sacrifice to produce true change. An act of surrender, offering--with no expectation or begging behind.  

Why am i writing about this? I have no concrete answer.
I'm on a journey, where i work and gear towards stability, joy happiness and love.  SUPER-objectives as a former acting teacher would call them.  
Sacrifice is most absolutely one of my objectives that will lead me to the SUPER one.

Love & Light,
Fía. 

Jesus Christ Superstar

This week is a biggy for the Catholic Church.
Iglesia Católica tiembla..!

All is happening in Vatican City.
Vaticano,
Vaticano.

I somehow think of it as cold, windy, chilly halls.
Medieval colors, medieval times.
Large doors being shut,
Priests and cardinals sliding quickly through the hallways.
Silent corners and yet rooms where you can hear shouts and echoes.
A feeling of danger.

Candles,
long, large, heavy wardrobes.

But then i think again and actually reconsider:
probably there's a powerful heating system,
large, comfortable rooms.
Some shouting, yes, but some laughing as well.
Lots of gold, nothing dirty.
Maybe a TV here and there.
Or iPhones!
to top it all off: there's a popemobile! 
papamóvil!

McVatican.
Jesus Christ Superstar.

Vatican troubles... think on how it all affects me.  The pope has just retired, stepped-down from his godly mission in life.  "So what?"
I can't be that trivial.  I can't be that removed.
Well, really, i can.
I just choose not to be.
I have a sensitive structure.  Truly.
(do not confuse sensitive with being emotionally unstable or just a plain emotional wreck).
My character is sensitive: senses are a big thing for me.  I perceive and create experiences easily.
So, it's in my nature to have events become a part of me..or reach me.

Vaticano,
Vaticano,
Vaticano.

I first questioned: mmm, so what happened with the Divine calling where this "holy" man is the voice of God in Earth? Can this voice just disappear? Can it be as simple as saying: i quit?
Does he just stop listening to the voice? or is this voice now silent to him?
Hmmm...

Then i thought: How is all this related to faith? True blue faith? I call upon the origin of it all, the origin of an individual (group of individuals) experiencing the overwhelming feeling of Divinity.  Supernatural.

I have my own view on this-- which involves the great knowledge of the Universe, the law of the Universe, including mysteries and exploring the unknown.  The Greatness of it all. That's my Divinity.

Now i look into what the Catholic Church has become.  I respect. I respect those who believe in God, Jesus Christ, Heaven, Hell, etc.  Everyone has a right to believe in what they want.  But you'd have to be blind, or play blind, to deny that out-dated dogmas, rules that don't speak of freedom, money behind the churches doors,  and the violent outburst of terrible accusations-which have been proved to be true-- has wrecked and spoiled the "house of God".

I fool around and call it McV, say it's become a shopping mall, a gift shop where there are little souvenir figurines of Jesus...Jesus Christ a Super star.  A super hero. 

I admire Jesus. He was an enlightened being, a true leader, a believer of faith.  He moved masses, conquered and mastered energy.  He lived his life with a focused intention of removing the veil of ignorant, trivial, unconscious life.  A yogi, why not? Not about dogmas, classifications, names, institutions.  A human. 
What has it all become? 

He'd be loathing his image today, he'd deny golden rings and luxurious mansions. 

So, how does all of this affect me? At least it makes me question.  It makes me evaluate and understand...myself a bit more. 
I'm reading a book on Leo Tolstoy, and something just felt like my soul speak.
i speak through his words:

"The hero of my tale--whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful--is Truth."

"Devoting my life to found(ing) a new religion that fits human evolution.  A religion which does not promise future beatitude but gives beatitude on earth."

olor a jazmín.

Walking North, on the East side of the road. 
I effortlessly step between splattered ripe plums on the ground.
Summer fruit suicide.
The sidewalk feels a bit sticky.
Fructose sweet caramel. 

Walking North, on the East side of the road.
Splattered ripe red purple plums.
Summer sidewalk suicide. 
I walk and all of a sudden my body takes over
and i detour. 
I no longer walk in a straight line, but slightly make a curve
heading directly towards a fence.
An unknown house fence.

The black metal bars,
seduced,
invaded,
conquered,
by green.  
Green and little white flowers.
Jasmine.
Jazmín de mil recuerdos.

Walking North, East side.
Ripe red purple plums.
Summer.
Sweet caramel.
My body takes over.
I detour.
I find myself hypnotized,
at full stop.
Nose first, tip toes, pulled forward.
Jasmine.

I inhale and i feel 10.
I inhale and i'm stepping on grass.
I inhale and i smile.
Oh! 
I'm dizzy, at a loss of time and purpose.
10 seconds of full concentrated surrender.
10 seconds of complete sexy provocation.
Quisiera ser una abeja o picaflor.

I open my eyes and consciously must step away.
Mind control.
Damned mind.

I walk North.
Summer.

*** Fía.

MUSIC

Música
Música
Música.

“Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.” 

“If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.” 
- William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night.

ALAA WARDI!

I believe there's someone out there for everyone, someone waiting to love and be loved, someone who will accept you the way you are without asking you to change, someone who will love you as much and as passionate as you love without expectations.. Someone somewhere is waiting to start a new life, wonder if we'll ever meet!!

I wrote this song with my friend Angie after we figured we both had this idea in common, and we decided to share it with you all cause it's a song we all can relate to somehow. We hope that you like it.

This video was made by: Farah Kassem & Angie Obeid

Each person is a walking song. Our heartbeat, our breath, our laugh, our yells and screams all together tells a story that differs from person to person yet we can all relate to. That is why music has no race or religion, no age nor job. It is a universal house and anybody is invited inside. So wipe your feet and enter our house of spiritual communication and language and forget about everything for one second and let us take you on a journey. (Sarah Salah)