Mother nature has granted me (us) down here in the Southern Hemisphere, with gray, cold and rainy days. Winter. I have to admit that i've found myself thinking and even saying out loud: "what a hideous day!" Yes, i have to be honest...I would take summer over winter ANY time, ALL the time. Bright days, blue skies, sunshine, radiant colors, bare feet...bliss! But then I stop and consider: I am part of this winter. The winter is also me. Why resist it? It is a specific time of year, with all its characteristics, with all of its beauty.
Yesterday afternoon I watched the animated film FernGully. A story about nature. A story about mindfulness. A sensitive magical story about our impact in the planet, our relationship with all creatures. We are part of this world. We are the rain forests, we are the oceans, we are air, we are earth and fire. How do we participate? What role are we playing? Let's ask these questions. Let's take this seriously. Live in ignorance? Live with no conscience? No responsibility?
I am no "hippie". I'm not being too grave or grim. This is no "fanatic talk" or "extremist lecture". Let's open our hearts, open our eyes, bleed with what and who is hurting and mend the wounds.
*** Thank you Nata Potter for this beautiful image!!!***
***Wanna check out FernGully? This is the trailer to the 1992 animated film. Avatar clearly got inspired!
*** Please please please take a look, click on www.susan-lambert.com, and meet my amazing talented friend's website***
There was a boy... There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy They say he'd wandered very far, very far Over land and sea. A little shy, and sad of eye; but very wise was he. And then one day...one magic day he passed my way And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings This he said to me The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love and be loved in return. The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love and be loved in return
Nat King Cole's words woke me up this morning. In my head, playing again and again. (I must admit that it was more like the first line-- over and over)
There is a boy..yes, very enchanted...don't know if i would describe him as strange. Maybe, because his soul's beauty is beyond belief. Very wise he is. We speak of fools and kings...and soccer. He teaches me great things, every day, all the time. His presence, his life is a lesson. A lesson of truth. A lesson of justice. A lesson of courage. A lesson of kindness. A lesson of love.
There is a boy, a very strange enchanted boy that came to this world on a day like today, and has forever changed my life. From the moment i saw his tiny body, from the moment we met and i could hold him, smell him and evermore love him.
There is a boy, a very strange enchanted boy. He came to participate and transform our world, for his strength and wisdom gives color to all the things he touches.
There is a boy, a very strange enchanted boy. He gives me happiness, he lights us all, just remember that, for this boy will leave a mark.
This is for you, my beautiful strange enchanted boy. I celebrate your life.
Today it's not about my writing. To be fair with myself, it never really is. I can humbly and honestly say that this blog is far from being about me and my writing. In fact, i don't think many people read it--which is quite alright-- and if i do post/advertise/share it, it is because i believe in the message behind my words.
However i start off by saying it is not about my writing because usually i sit in front of the blank page, fingers motionless and at loss of what it was i wanted to say. Or channel out of my body. It's very much like when you have an appointment with your therapist, and as you are reaching out to ring the doorbell or open the door, you think: "what will i talk about? i don't have much to say today." But then you sit down, you open your mouth and bada-boom! you are this on-going river filled with currents of words, ideas, feelings, insights, questions, doubts, discoveries.
Hey, hey, hey! Time is up! Really?! Uff, wow, ahhh! I feel so light! ...and to think that i thought i had nothing to say today!
That's usually my blogging experience for you! "i don't think i have much to write about today... ...wow, i think this is getting long...and i have so much more to write about!"
But today, apart from rambling about my writing process, i just really want to share this beautiful, outstanding, jaw-dropping, inspiring video. If you have 20 minutes (which i think everyone does if they really wish it so) do not skip through this one!
It's about love, it's about music, it's about art, passion, LEADERSHIP, love, life. Shining eyes!
I send out a message of love and incredibly sunshine--on a cloudy rainy day-- and on my utmost belief in the human power to be good, respectful, kind, generous, loving and caring. We are "we", not a bunch of "I's". Let us embrace the empowering responsibility we hold together.
"Gaining mastery over our destructive propensities, through the exercise of awareness and self-discipline with regard to our body, speech, and mind, frees us from the inner turmoil that naturally arises when our behaviour is at odds with our ideals. In place of this turmoil come confidence, integrity, and dignity - heroic qualities all human beings naturally aspire to." --Dalai Lama
And it rains, and it rains, and it rains some more.
It seems as though the sky is pouring its heart out, releasing an incredibly large amount of energy. Catharsis. I look at the sky composed of layers and layers of clouds: some thick, dark, grayish-black, heavy. Then there are the faithful slightly lighter ones that cover the space above completely, creating a delicate separation between earth and sun. And finally scattered these playful, almost mis-behaved little fluffs of white down below adding a touch of light and personality to this panorama.
The almighty sun speaks out loud as he breaks through occasionally-- "i am here" he says: "may you not forget me".
Clouds dance through and through, suddenly rain bursts in....it's opera! (i almost wrote jazz, but no...there is more of a theatrical edge to it all, big production, monumental scenery)
i've discovered i write a lot about the weather, i describe it a lot and express how it affects me. It's not just words filling space--you know how we usually mention the weather to just fill in silence?-- for me its more of a reality check.
Wow, look at this beautiful symphony! I'm part of this wonderful master on-going plan. I'm one of the million, billion, trillion, zillion creatures that react to what is happening beyond myself.
I like to feel part of something. I like to know that there is more beyond me. It helps me to realize that it can be so easy to get drowned in little dark holes, that once viewed with perspective they can be weighed accordingly and overcome-- or at least a door towards better lands can be perceived and ultimately opened. ***Hence today's Dalai Lama's quote.***
I look outside my window and I look up...not down. It all makes so much sense. I find inspiration, strength, faith and love above....not so much down, where we are. My point is not to criticize, it is not filled with negativity. Quite the contrary, let us look up and around and let it all permeate to what we are doing. I love it down here for there is so much to do.
Let me end with a beautiful woman with a magnanimous talent. Please Please hit play!
Today i was in the midst of my morning yoga practice when i was struck by a thought...a past experience, a remembrance.
What i'm about to share is quite personal, and a part of me is feeling a bit vulnerable, but then i think: that's what it's all about. Sharing, opening up, really connecting, and dropping the protective walls that in the long run only cause isolation. Parenthesis: i'm quite an expert with "holding in", "swallowing it all".
"i'm ok, really, i'm ok.........(silently) but could you please just hug me, hold me?"
So, i'll cut to the chase and take ownership of my vulnerability and share. I remembered being at my therapists office (which was more like a bedroom adapted as a therapy room), years ago. Sitting on a couch, eyes closed and exploring, experiencing, discovering something about myself that was forever useful and incredibly enlightening.
My therapist guided me and made me see myself, describe myself, in two scenarios. I don't know if the idea was to see myself as two...but that was what i saw. It was striking. Interesting, mind-blowing, unbelievable in a way yet familiar.
One was this creature, human or human-like living in a world of steel. Steel, all around. Great tall buildings, fortresses, palaces of gray, metal. Clouds, wind, yet no real air. Very similar to what you might find in scenes from Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones-- cold, damp, sharp edges, steel, steel, steel. And there i was, in the middle of it all, covered in a suit of steel too. My joints couldn't quite move, my hair in a ponytail... motionless. I was in the middle of it all, on top of this fortress of hard silver. Very much like a pin. Alone.
Then there was this other creature, on a couch. The place somewhat surreal for not only could i see recognizable objects, but i could also see waves in the air, surrounding me, i could sense an enveloping aura, colors, all around. There i was, lying down on what i would describe as a couch-- soft, silky, comfy. I was lying across, barefoot, kind of resting, kind of dancing. It was all yellow and a soft shade of turquoise. I was immersed in this state of contentment, ease. Having this rejoicing feeling of being part of this big movement. As i said, i could see this yellow aura enveloping me, as if i was inside a ray of sun: warm, warm, warm. There was no one else there with me, but there was not even a pinch of loneliness in me.
Both of these creatures being me. Both of these so different, and yet all in the same mind, body and spirit.
I mention this, and now consider (after the action of self-inquiry) that it is not random how these images come to play at times when i'm most with myself. And now. My life lately has been an internal turmoil, my ground has been shaken, old phantoms, samskaras (habits, traces) coming to light. Self-inquiry very present and necessary.
I'm torn in between these poles, and i must confess that at times i feel pulled by one side, forgetting the other.
Losing balance. My soldier comes to play, leaving in siome forgotten land my yellow dancer. It can be quite exhausting.
It's important for me to remember. Remember both, all me. I want to dance, i want to be in the sunbeam, want and need movement and waves.
I also know that it is essential to not rest in the country of "wants", and translate it all into actions. Today i made a small step. It means stepping into an unknown lake--how deep? how warm? how cold? salty? i do not know... a leap of faith. a conscious leap of will and faith.
--Fía. "i'm ok, really, i'm ok.........(silently) but could you please just hug me, hold me?"
Sittin' in the mornin' sun I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come Watching the ships roll in And then I watch 'em roll away again,
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay Watching the tide roll away Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay Wastin' time...
**hit play if you like:
Actually no. I'm sittin' in the kitchen table, it's a whitish grayish kinda day, Watching Roland Garros final match, enjoying my time...
--- a day has passed--- My blog entry was interrupted, just as the Parisien match was delayed and then cancelled due to rain. So that was yesterday and it was an Otis Redding kinda day, just take the bay, the dock, the heat out of the equation. But it was an Otis kinda day in spirit and vibration. Sunday. Domingo. That might not mean much to my New York friends or NYC readers (do i even have any?), but just to get my point across i'll explain that Sunday/Domingo means RELAX and what my family like to call "sleepathon". Don't imagine a troop of people sleeping all day--for there isn't much literal sleeping actually-- but feel free to envision a group of 7 in the following panorama:
........easy breezy breakfast, reading the newspaper... .............late easy breezy lunch (yesterday was mega easy breezy for we celebrated a certain special gentleman's 60th bday at a restaurant) .................easy breezy afternoon-post-lunch walk in the park, including some frisbee action play. ..........................easy breezy late afternoon couch rest, involving knitting, tea, conversing, a little educational TV show on tribes in Mongolia and Africa, and maybe a few indulged in a 5-10 minute nap. ................................easy breezy light dinner at the kitchen table, conversation, laughing and some Jamaica & Bob Marley.
Got it? That is a just a little snapshot of Sunday. Domingo. It makes me think of the wonderful little scene in Downton Abbey (first season i must specify) where the wonderful Violet (Maggie Smith) asks the young doctor Matthew (Dan Stevens): "weekends? what are week-ends?"
I had forgotten about week-ends myself.
Weekends and family. Weekends and slowing down.
Weekends and family. Weekends and resting.
Weekends and family. Weekends and connecting.
It's Monday today, the weekend is over and for many it might signify a burden, a new battle to face until the glorious friday afternoon. It might mean routine too. I raise the question: who makes it a mechanical monday-friday routine? I say: have a good week everyone, make it a good one!
**Love it as much as this creature loves his stick!!!**
Let's talk? Just talk. Talk about what is on our minds, talk about what is in our hearts, how we are feeling.
Let's sit down for a while and forget about the world, how it's spinning, how the rest of the creatures are also spinning within that cosmic spin. Let's create our own time (that is not linear, that is not quantifiable) our time that just provides us with space, a moment, to talk.
Let's talk? Unhook our bodies to the mechanical systematic patterns and share the true energy in storage. Disconnect to the fake power waves that are far from being power-ful. Let's talk? It might hurt a little.
Do you know the real color of my eyes? How long are my eyelashes? Is my left nostril bigger than my left?
I want to let your tongue run free! Curl, Sway, Swing, Roll, Caress my teeth, palate, lips.
Let's talk, and share and confess and hurt and smile and listen and breathe and look (really look) and comprehend and care and not hide and open and wait...
and hold hands and nod and participate and contribute and feel and adore and support and consult ask questions answer and let the hearts own language speak.
Let's talk? And feel light?
You are closer, you are truer you are here.
Eyes: the color of melted honey--a particular hue of brown-- with a sunbeam of yellow, tints of green and rims grass. Eyelashes: long and black and thick, curving slightly as they extend towards the brows just like a land snail's tentacles as they reach out to the sun. Nostrils: quite symmetrical, but i see them now expanding delicately as the air rushes in.
I see you. Let's talk? I invite you. Let the dance begin.
Life is eventful. Life is a master teacher. A master physician, a master healer. Life is wisdom. Life is light. Life is love.
Life is the mother of all mothers-- providing, nourishing, loving and forever giving. We are in this marvelous womb of greatness and treasures. LIFE.. ***sometimes (silently) sends us sparks of knowledge, ****sometimes (slowly) exhales bubbles of experiences, *****sometimes (explosively) blasts us with stars of light and clarity.
This "light" and "clarity"--as I intuitively call it-- is no walk in the park, is no sweet chocolate covered strawberry. In fact, it could cause momentary excruciating indigestion. Leaving joke aside, what I'm trying to say (and what I have been experiencing) is the pain and challenges of transformation, light and clarity. Doesn't quite make sense when worded in that manner...ahhh, the complexity and divinity of life.
Going back to one of my first statements of the day: life is a master teacher, an expert, overpowering genius mind...God(dess). The way it is all carefully intelligently flowing and happening is beyond mundane understanding. Hence, not necessary to halt and try to figure it out.
My life, my being, my mind, my body, my inner truthful Self right now is experiencing great transformation. The sky is cracking open, the egg is hatching, my lungs are painfully and beautifully expanding and taking in air. Yes, painfully...deliciously painfully. For the sky to crack open the sun must wound the blanket of clouds and break through. For the egg to hatch, the little chick must violently fracture, puncture and shatter what used to be its protecting shell. In order to breathe, the lungs must bravely and fiercely expand, creating space and opportunity for life.
These are all moments of crisis. Crisis, loss, pain, uncertainty. But I believe things are not one-sided. Things come in two's, one thing exists because there is always it's other. A butterfly can fly because it has two wings.
So I say crisis and I also say love, opportunity, openness, courage, wisdom and enlightenment. Last night was a magnificent luscious example of such crisis. Today in my practice I was able to experience, self-reflect and appreciate the residues of crisis. love, opportunity, openness courage enlightenment.
Appreciate, give thanks.
Life is the mother of all mothers. Why now? It's now, and now makes sense.
We run from crisis. We flee, cover, hide, avoid it. We fear it, as though it'll come and bite us, devour us. What is that fear? Where is that fear? How is that greater than the pain of living a life of denial? THAT should be feared...maybe. Through crisis, living it...breathing with it, hurting with it, crying with it, shouting with it brings physical, emotional, soulful lightness and clarity. Unveiling.
