Today i did something that i really enjoy. Ride the bus.
I love to sit in the back. The second row of the "upper level", on the left by the window. I enjoy riding the bus in the morning when the sun is shining, when i can see out into the street and feel the vibration of the engine beneath me.
I take pleasure in the rhythm of riding the bus--yes, i must say when you are not pressured to be somewhere at a specific time-- but life's flow is different on a bus.
The people that ride the bus are different, the interaction is different, the behavior is different.
I guess I just don't like being underground. With rats.
***bridge: oh bless thou gray fat long-tailed rat,
oh bless thou gray four-legged creature for you are live in the dark,
oh bless thou gray little animal that evokes nothing but repulsion on those that look upon you.
oh bless thou gray filthy beast as you inspect through our junk,
oh bless thou gray squeaky rat.
Bless you.
Ew.
end of bridge***
Today I rode the bus. Down Fort Washington, moving south along Broadway, turning East towards 5th Ave and got off on the North East corner of Central Park. 110th and 5th.
And discovered Wonderland, just like Alice.
Walked through new paths, observed new things, all my senses open and completely following my instincts..letting my intuition lead the way!
My feet took me through nature, flowers, zig-zag little paths, up and down hills of grass, under wild old wise trees, across lawns immersed in children's laughter and cries of excitement...moving along a world of different leashed dogs, women, men, strollers, musicians, squirrels, birds, ducks and pigeons!
Nature, Mother Earth, New York City, Central Park. Memories, observances, discoveries, epiphany!
Fía down the rabbit hole:
I've developed unhealthy feeling habits (nobody is immune to them). Mine go along as
tired
unease
disturbed
sad
angry
discontent
ego
perfection.
It was my way to battle the world and my disgraceful existence--cuz it was lacking Grace!
There is no battle to be fought, there is no war.
Attached to the false identity of the "troubled artist". An idea of who i "was", which was more of a challenge of who I should be. Not necessarily coming from a sincere healthy place.
Much head, too much head.
Fields of green, lawns of opportunities, inhale & exhale, flowers of love & grace. Grace to the earth beneath me, grace for my entire Being being...here. Grace to the sky above.
Living in Grace.
Nowhere to go, runaway from, nowhere demanded to be...but here.
I feel my body unlocking, more free, my limbs with sensations, losing its rigidity.
I thought i could push it through--get better-- by means of my mind (being what i have overdeveloped during these past years) but i can FEEL in my cells, in my organs, in my blood stream that there is no pushing involved and it is not a matter of mind control.
This is my soul speaking, my spirit-in presence reaching out to the heavens appreciating what is in me and around me. Giving thanks for my beating feeling heart.
I flow in the vibrations of "creating universe".
I live in Grace.
--and then i rode the bus back north to the Heights.
Fía.
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