Resurrection

We all have our good days and our bad days. We all flow along the waves of highs and lows. Ironically, or as contradictory as it might seem, that's the beauty of life: days are not just a repetition of actions and states of mind, body & soul. Grasping that idea is hopeful and empowering--specially when feeling blue.
And today I woke up a bit blue.

I've been immersed in this positive wave...filled with opportunities, new inner strength, positive living, a pathway towards awareness and conscious existence. I've been experiencing the meaning and overall sensation of collaboration--within my micro-world of acquaintances as well as a universal bond amongst us creatures of the world.
It has been new, it has been challenging, it has been beautiful, it has also been painful..it just has been different.

Today I'm in a bit of a painful vibration, and instead of denying it, pushing it aside, "numbing it out", I choose to acknowledge it and feel its presence.
Breathing through this low vibration is not easy and I can feel the quality of my presence in today's day very different to the brightness/lightness of a few days ago.
I woke up with a little feeling (like a thorn in my heart) of disillusionment, feeling a little weak, looked at myself in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I saw and experienced years of abuse and violence...digesting the words I've been preaching a lot recently: all our actions have repercussions.
Today I have the capacity to see it, sense my brutality, and say STOP.
I had this moment of reflection (svādhyāya) and though experiencing a mix of empathy and sadness, I also recognize I'm in a different place now. Not lying to myself, open to what my senses are informing me.
I am capable now to be somewhat at ease and hopeful, for I know "this" is not me, I will not be stuck "here"forever, and that actually I will take actions so I'm not--because I don't want to.
But there is great meaning in sitting in with this pain and sadness. It requires strength and bravery, and again, it is really teaching me NOT to identify with this sensation..it is not my frequency, it is not the best I can be. For I deserve the best I can be, just like everybody else does too.
I also know, truthfully that I have been giving solid steps to this new higher me.
Even though today I am not liking what I have done to myself, have true desires to have acted sooner, I know that there is nothing more than being "here" and "now"--act/live accordingly.
Which I'm doing...the fruits will come. Can't rush a strawberry to ripen into its sweet red deliciousness overnight. Just take care of it and you shall receive.
I must not get impatient, I must not drown in disillusionment, lose encouragement and get stuck in today's feeling blue.
I stand strong, proud and truthfully proud of my accomplishments. Slow and steady...

Some believe today (or a day like today) Jesus Christ rose from the dead. I don't particularly adhere myself to any religion or dogma, but the idea of renewal, "rebirth", is beautiful. I went to church (St. Patrick's) with my chilenita today, it had been years since I had been to mass on a Sunday.  It was an adventure, a curious experience. In English to begin with, massive due to Easter Sunday, and quite different considering i'm 28 and not...10? (can't even remember when was the last time i attended mass).  
I do take with me a message the priest delivered: find divinity amongst the living, not amongst the dead. 
True.  There is a lot of divinity amongst us, amongst the living. 
Wrapping up!I'm finishing today's thoughts as I travel home, on the subway, after my working shift, at the end of the day, filled with light and love. I experienced a reversal of energy and frequency. Being open, honest and alive allowed me to swim to the surface, stick my head out of the deep waters, gasp for air, and reconnect with my beautiful self. 



It was a day of sunshine, a bizarre crowded easter parade, mass (yes, i went to church!), and enriching encounter with a Chilena and two Russians.  It was a challenging day, but a magnificent test--ugh, don't really like my choice of word here-- to/of courage, faith, love and gratitude. 
I go to bed with a warm heart and filled with stamina for what the break of dawn will provide.  


--Fía.