I feel

My heart beats, 

I feel. 

My heart beats,

I tremble.

My heart beats,

I am one with you.

 I never thought possible I'd have wings.

I never thought possible I'd grow strong.

I never thought possible I'd choose...

And be chosen. 

I never thought possible you'd pick me up and we'd fly.

I knew it with our first kiss,

I knew it as I breathed the smell of your neck.

Truth: 

We cut ourselves too short of our possibilities. 

I once was afraid to laugh.

I once was afraid to love.

A new heart print. 

New. 

The moment came.

The air whispered it to me.

The sun rose from behind the mountains,

Black to green.

Yellow bathed the world with flowers and smiles.

Dark waters turned crystal clear.

What was once steel now became my soft skin.

The moment came and there were colors.

The moment came and I saw you.

You were under the same sky,

You were there.

I was there.

You were there.

Everything was spirit,

Everything was light. 

I saw you.

You were there.

I see you.

You are here.

Rise to spiritual consciousness.

Everything is spirit.

Everything is light. 

Living

Bones, muscles, nerves, skin.
The involuntary actions of a beating heart and the expansion/contraction of our lungs.
A machine at its best.
Life.
Being alive.

What about the intangible element of feeling and spirit?
Recalling a memory and then your mouth curls up to smile, your heart races up, your temperature rises, and you feel light as a feather.
Looking into someone's eyes and feel locked, transfixed--lost and found-- and feel a greater you.
Hearing someone's voice and witness an overpowering sensation of calm, peace, safety.
Touching someone's chest and your lungs expand to the absolute maximum, the feeling of admiration is so encompassing that you know you are experiencing love.
True love.
Liberating love.

There is so much in the territory of the unknown:
Mystery.
Some call it energy,
Others call it soul.

The divinity of life,
Where mystery meets the known,
Faith.
Faith in that golden connection that makes us feel alive.
Not be alive, but FEEL alive.
It's light.
It's the highest power of existence.
It's where body and spirit become one flowing river--
Clean,
Pulsing,
Present,
Clear.
True.

Nobody knows...

Blood became a heartbeat,
A heartbeat became a life.
The life designed by who knows who,
or,
who knows what.

A life of smiles, tears,
laughter and cries.
A life of yearns,
a life of sorrows and love.

The road is undefined.
There is no road, really.
It does not take us forward or backwards or sideways:
It's just blood, heartbeat, breath, life.

The flower in me is dancing to the sun:
I close my eyes to the rays that bathe my face,
I smile as I twirl and feel the tender heat on the back of my neck.
I bow.

The wolf in me is quiet and alone:
My gaze is transfixed with the movement of a tree laughing at the breeze.
I question, I wonder, I think, I do not move.

The bird in me is dreaming with the sky:
My wings are strong, my feathers susceptible to the wind.
I dream of different shores, of finding one that's mine...only mine.

The lion in me throbs and thumps with my (yes, my) fire:
I will not settle, I think.
The truth is...I can't.

Blood became my heartbeat,
That heartbeat became my life.

Nobody knows...

MYSTERY

It's been a lifetime since I've felt my body,
felt the joy,
felt the lightness in my feet -- to jump, to run, to dance.

I want to swing my head around,
sway my hair to the winds -- of the coasts, of the mountains, of the woods.
Dig my feet in the mud, the ice, the sand, and the water.
I want to raise my arms and offer my chest to the sky.
I want to sing to all rhythms, to all words ever written.
I want to kiss with the sweetness of an orange,
Peel my clothes off as if they were petals of a rose.
I want to feel the warmth of your skin with every angle of my body,
As if our bodies were dancers of a gentle breeze.
I want our hearts to beat to one pulse as we move on close, deeper.
Sweat so sweet and salty,
become blind with our colors.

Time is so mysterious.
We measure it as if we knew the answer as to how it works.
We count seconds, minutes, hours, days, years, and so on...as if it gave us meaning.
Minutes can last a year,
A year can last a few days,
Yesterday was a lifetime ago,
and today means a decade.

Life can swallow you up,
make you into a ball and throw you off-field.
Life can slap you,
can kiss you,
can pamper you,
can shake you.

Life brought us together,
Time allowed me to see you.
Life swallowed me up when I looked into your eyes.
Two souls crushed by wickedness, corruption, and perversion.
Two souls healing,
Wanting truth.
Discovery, growth.
Mind blowing mystery - a question, an answer, an answer, a question.

I face myself (my fears, my troubles, my hurting) through you,
I challenge myself with you,
I learn and yearn to be better for you, with you.
Who are you?
A strong heart, a powerful heart, a compelling heart,
that leaves me breathless, yet makes me scream?
The smile of goodness, the hand of kindness, the will of truth,
that drives me to joy, to unknown lands of safety and honesty?

Who are you?
You are.

LIGHT

The light.
Light.
Light allowing us to see what needs to be seen.
Light that shines on what is many times hidden-- mostly by ourselves.
Light on our feet that carry us day by day, step by step, to unknown lands.
No land is the same.
No day or night is equal to the previous one.
Shine a light on that.
Light it up.

A river.
Flows incessantly, driving liters of water down the stream.
Liquid life that touches and licks stones, dirt, grass, and even carries fishes perhaps.
You blink,
gone.
That river is gone.
A river never stops.
A river will not rewind.
A river will follow its course.

An empty stage.
The world.
A breath, a body, a word.
Light and you're seen.
Your the player, the actor, you lead the role.

Life and light.
Unstoppable.
Unbroken.
Perpetual.
The light is yours to find,
yours to live,
yours to honor.

Light on love,
Light on life.
It can only get deeper,
fuller,
truer.

My oath

I close my eyes,
I touch my chest that stands between my hand and my heart. 
I link my mind, my hand, my heart, my soul.

I dig my feet on the wet sand,
the ground holds me.
I breathe,
I step,
I see,
I contemplate,
I give thanks. 

I'm no different than many, I think. 
I want to love with the freedom of birds.
I want to smile with the colors of the flowers. 

Years of black thick oil on my bones.
No wonder the heaviness.
Countless dreamless nights:
I had forgotten how to dream. 

I was faceless,
I was blurry, 
I was ice -- the one that would never melt, only freeze.

Now.
I look at the wide ocean, 
I wonder if there is someone looking at the other end. 
The breeze gently brushes and tickles my neck,
Such beauty to be seen and felt. 

The truth is I am a gentle fish.
Currents pull me in, and sometimes drift me away. 
I too swim.
I swim to clear waters,
warm waters,
where I can feel strong, 
at ease,
in peace. 

I'm a gentle fish with a lion's heart.
A creation of water and fire. 
My lion is my truth.
My lion is my strength,
My blood and heat, 
my drive. 
Yet do not be fooled-- I cry. 
I cry and melt and bruise and woe.

I walk the sand,
Dream the ocean,
Breathe the salt,
Smile the sun.  

Silence

Silence.
Silence the words of those who rattle.
Silence who speaks the unnecessary,
Silence the buzz. 

Silence the cold hearts who freeze those around,
fearing warmth,
fearing truth.

Silence the eyes that look for shadows,
that see what is not there, 
but incessantly seek the dark. 

Silence the touch of pretense,
the hand that does not really touch, 
just burns. 

Just lay in silence.

You'll find the world of colors,
share the universe of peace.

WARRIOR HEARTS

The heart of a boy,

A boy that smiles with birds,

Dreams of oceans,

Laughs with crayons.

The heart of a girl,

A girl that stares at flowers,

Dreams of flying,

Laughs while dancing.

Two hearts in a billion.

Two souls in a zillion.

Cheated, once.

Crushed, once.

Meet.

A hand,

A thumb,

A stare,

A choice.

Two.

But how many?

Passed?

Will come?

Two.

Followed the birds,

Faced the oceans,

Stared at flowers,

Prayed to stars,

Stood beneath the moon,

Got lost in the green,

Dug their feet in mud,

Drowned in their tears,

Breathed until it hurt...

Two.
Dreamed...

Never stopped breathing, 

Believing:
One day it will be different.

Faith. 

Two hearts.

In battle.

Unstoppable. 

Defenders.

Guardians.

Warriors.

PerMISSION to PLAY

I stole this title from a being of light.  She's an amazing yoga teacher, dancer, player. That's how she titles her work: "PerMISSION to PLAY". 

I want to play.
I've always wanted to play. 

                 Hide and seek.
                              Tag.
                                  Jumping rope.

                In front of a mirror, a singer.
                             In front of an invisible audience, a dancer.
                                  On my parents bed, a gymnast. 

The wonders of creativity,
The wonders of my world,
The wonders of the world. 

When did we become too old, 
too serious,
too responsible,
to play? 

When did we get polluted with embarrassment? 
Too shy to dance,
Too insecure to sing,
or even laugh out loud? 

Our wonders. 
Our curves, our secret corners. 
Our light. 

Play is freedom,
Let's play and explore, discover!
Through our body runs veins of blood,
and veins of endless curiosity. 

Break the walls of protection,
you are safe. 
We are safe. 

Burst open to new lands,
climb new mountains,
dig my feet in new earth,
sprint, run, and fly... 
I plunge through new doors,
new eyes,
new tears,
of laughter, sadness, pain, excitement, pleasure, passion. 

Walk out on the rain,
Step on big puddles.
Turn up the music,
Dance freely as you cook. 
Walk towards that someone,
Hug them to the bone,
Kiss,
Tickle, 
Laugh,
Undress.

Wrestle in bed,
Laugh.
Kiss,
Bite a little,
Play, play, play...

A Night

The night measured by the number of stars that twinkle, burst, and explode.
The day calculated by the number of waves that lick the shore for love.

A night.
A day.
Sometimes that is all we get.

An endless night (or so I hope) begins when I feel my face come close to yours,
locking in a sweet soft kiss.
Your smell,
Your eyes,
Closed.

A night of sounds: crackling wood on fire.
So warm,
So tender,
Safe.

A night of words,
Spoken softly on each others ears.
The truth unveils desires, dreams, hidden thoughts, secrets.
So explosive,
So vivid,
Real.

A night of smiles,
The kind that needs no mouth or lips.
A smile in a hand, in a touch, in a gaze.
A tear,
A moan,
Sincere.

A night that fades,
we fade.
We breathe, we fly, we dream.
I look, you look.
Your eyes.
The day.

Follower of Light

New roads,
New paths to discover and walk upon. 

The feeling of unknown, 
Of letting go,
Giving in. 

(Not giving up, but giving in)

A certainty:
Feet have walked these dirt roads before,
Breaths have exhaled these same passions.
I have found my tribe,
The tribe of hearts.

Mind lost,
No recollection,
(What happened, 
Where was I?)
I was just living too intensely, 
Being so alive. 

When skin becomes fire,
When sounds become lightning.
Though night is still black,
The soul can see with its own light. 

What storm am I in,
Whose rain is salty,
Of sweat and tears of joy?
I am bathed in ocean water,
Submerged in saline lakes.

I vanish,
Go astray.
My heart was beating,
leading my way.

I am of the tribe of hearts,
I am of the dancing spirits,
a follower of light.
My house is built with kindness,
My land protected by truth.

My feet walk these roads,
My breath exhales these passions,
I am of the tribe of hearts,
a follower of light. 

I perceive

Feet,
Knees,
Hips,
Spine,
Head.
The body in it's core.
Bones.

Heart,
Muscle,
Soft tissue,
Silk.

I am a tree
(Once a seed)
I am one of many trees.

Rooted to the earth whose center is made of fire.
I am fire, therefore.

I am a tree that grows,
Cries,
Laughs,
Tickles,
And loves.
Loves so dearly,
So tender.

Veins of water,
Blood,
and honey
flow inside me,
through me,
beyond me,
to the depths of our web,
to the sky,
ignites the stars so they expand,
explode,
rain upon us to create new life.

My life,
Your life,
Our life.

The world is on fire,
And breeds us to new beginnings.

The tree of love,
The tree of life.

The Earth Shakes

In a country of ocean, mountains and valleys,
The earth is charged with powerful forces that call the best of
you,
me, 
all. 
Calls the truth.  

A strong heart speaks words of truth,
like never before.
Speaks a language unknown to many. 
Tongue of fire, that burns lies,
deceit,
distrust,
speculations.

Silence is gold,
silver,
copper.

This land won't stand for pretense.
This land is magnetic,
mysterious,
secretive.

Red,
Velvet,
Purple,
and Blue.
Are the waters of the rivers that bathe us.
The blood of those gone,
the blood of those here,
the blood of those coming.

Green,
Brown,
Orange,
and Black.
Is the soil that holds the souls when we sleep.
Souls of those gone,
Souls of those here,
Souls of those coming. 

Blue,
White,
Yellow,
and Pink.
The vast ceiling of our dreams. 
Dreams of those gone,
Dreams of those here,
Dreams of those coming. 

The Earth shakes.
Heat, 
Friction. 
Energy of truth,
Inevitable. 
A crack,
A ray of light,
A shift,
Blinding colors.

Heart pounding,
Fragile skin,
tender,
soft.

Breath short,
Smooth voice,
trembles with excitement,
aroused. 

Electric feet,
toes spread,
legs unsettle.
Hips sway.

A moan,
A scream,
Release.
The heart shakes,
the ground,
the Earth shakes.

1,2...

A rush of sorrow is lying beneath my skin.
It is beyond what has happened,
what was said,
or done.

There is a stream of aching that invades my heart.
Has me flooded in tears,
making my bones weak,
my muscles collapse,
and I fall to the ground.

I listen to the ground.
Like I picture myself resting upon your gentle heart.
1,2
1,2
1,2
1,2

Why do I feel so much?
A lady once told me: that's your gift, and your doom.
I never believe that, 
could anything be more cliché? 

How is it that we live as immortals,
love with no heart,
care with no hands,
and think with no mind?

Pain is beautiful.
Joy is beautiful,
but Peace and Truth are holy.

I wish to breathe in white,
I wish to step on green,
and bathe in blue.
Be warm in yellow,
and love,
laugh,
in red.

Maybe it is what has happened,
what was said,
and done.

I just will not follow.

I will not settle to the rotten desires that respond to,
selfish,
heartless,
senseless,
hurtful,
bickering and winning.

I will not settle,
not to the empty words that speak of violence,
disguised in quotidian,
common,
conventional,
dialogue.

The truth is:
I'm tired.
But I'm hopeful.
This heart of mine won't surrender.
I'll stand in my integrity.

Privacy

Yellow and blue,
sun and ocean.
A wildflower,
a drop of rain.
A silly bee,
the sky at dawn.

A boy is bouncing a ball against the pavement,
There is talking,
more boys join in.
There's laughing.
The bouncing stops,
Running steps take over. 
Bouncing continues. 

There is a blue breeze that cleans the air,
more laughing.
The yellow rays touch a girls knees,
she sits and looks at the scene.
She looks at the boy.  
He knows she's there.

Next to her is a white bicycle, 
her faithful friend.
She likes white and green.

She does not speak, she just watches.
She's engaged.
Her back and neck reveal that:
her posture is perfect. 

The yellow makes her warm,
the blue keeps her awake.
Her slim mouth is slightly open, 
she's spellbound.
Her cold toes move, almost unnoticeable,
it's her private excitement. 

She quietly smiles,
the boy has seen her.
No one noticed.
She likes that. 

Underneath her dress her heart is pounding.
If they only knew. 

The boy bounces the ball, 
he plays to his heartbeat, 
which gets faster and faster.
He stands in the yellow, he loves the blue.
A glance,
he smiles. 

She smells of flowers, he thinks.

He smiles,
The girl blinks agreeing,
No one noticed.
They like that. 

My Battle

I stare at the ceiling,
I do not move.
I only blink.

To be extremely accurate I can perceive my chest rise and fall,
And as I lay my hand upon my navel, I can feel my heartbeat. 

I look at the ceiling.
I don't look for answers,
I actually take the time to remember my dreams. 

Dreams...
What are dreams?

Are they not but just imaginary fixations of outcomes, based on....what?
Are dreams a fanciful way of saying desires?
But are they really quite the same thing?
Dreams are what we wish for, yearn, hope, maybe even pray for.

Dreams of the night.
What are those then? 
Mysterious messages from our unconscious,
Words of some god,
Fears,
and yes, hopes too. 

I lay inert,
I do not even wear clothes.
My bare skin open to the ceiling,
to the sky,
to the planets to look at,
to the stars to shine on,
to the moon to pull. 

I lay,
with my dreams,
with my demons,
as I'd lay after some war in a battlefield. 
You might not see my wounds,
nor smell my blood, 
but I can't move.
The only thing I have left is my breath.

I've crawled under blankets of fear,
of shame,
of anger, 
but most of all
I've crawled under the iron blanket of unworthiness.
I've curved my back inwards so hard that I forgot there was a world beyond than my bony knees and the ground 
where I'd fall on,
again, again, again. 
That
Was my reality.

Now I'm chest up, open.
Still in battle...
something held in a dark corner inside me.
Between my rib bones,
On the insides of my clavicle,
Right beneath my sternum.

My body still does not move,
I lay.
I blink.
My ribs rise,
My legs lay heavy,
My sternum shines.

Something happens.
I close my eyes.
And I find a lake, a river, an ocean,
for now my eyes flood with salty tears.
I hear a voice:
(I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid)
Trust. 
You are enough.

Breath altered.
In, out,
sobbing.
In, out,
sobbing.
In, out,
nothing.
In...
sobbing.
This is war.  
My battle. 

I hear a voice:
(tell me, tell me, tell me)
Why are you so afraid?

I open my eyes.

My naked skin still exposed,
surrenders...

Night

Hands touch,
Eyes see,
Lips kiss,
Tongues taste.

How can it be?
How can it be that when I'm with you,
when I breathe your same breath,
join your touch,
match your pulse,
I'm left with no memory.

I touch you and wish to remember every stroke, every texture of your skin.
I kiss you and long to hold on to the feeling of your lips, your tongue (when you kiss me so sweet or so strong).
I hear you and yearn to retain that precise pitch of your voice.
I see you, look at your face, and promise this exact moment will never leave my side.

I'm full,
I'm me,
I'm you,
You're me.
I'm whole.
I'm gone.

I'm lost and left unafraid.
I'm out but still so in.

Nights with stars,
Nights with moon,
Pitch black nights.

"Come night,
Come black-brow'd night,
Come cloudy gentle night,
Come love-performing night"

You play,
I listen.
You speak,
I listen.
I watch.
I breathe.
I listen,
watch,
breathe.

"Come closer,
Come see me,
Come smell me,
Come have me"

The wings of night lifts us,
suspends us in the air.
The breeze of night transfix us,
with the scent of skin,
the scent of us.
The time of night mystifies us,
leaving us astray.
With so much, but not so much.

Electric shocks run deep inside me.
Breath shortens,
The air thickens,
Chest opens,
I'm gonna fall,
I'm coming down,
Here I come,
I'm falling,
Catch me!

I'm caught.

How can it be?

We speak of truths for they have been given names,
yet there is no truth that ever spoke of this.
Or better yet, no words have spoken of this truth.

Fearless,
Pure.
Honesty.
Pure.

Simple.

You

Pick it up,
Pick it up now,
And start again.

You've got a warm heart,
You've got a beautiful brain.

Stay calm,
Stay here,
There is nowhere else to go.

You've got strong bones,
You've got a liquid soul,
Let it flow and glow with no return.

Your cave has grown too deep,
Your floor has sunk too low.

Pick it up,
Pick it up now,
And start again.

You've got mysterious  eyes,
You've got a hypnotic neck,
You've got to start again.

Your skin is ice cold,
But if you cut you'll bleed,
Please don't forget that.

There will come a day,
Where you'll realize,
that you can still be,
What you want to,
What you said you'd be,
When you were white clean.

You've got a warm heart,
You've got a beautiful brain,
Don't let it desintegrate...

Yellow Rivers

I found myself looking for silence.
Looking for silence,
running away from noises that swallow up the sound of life.
Of the earth.

The ground has an echo.
The sky, a whistle.
The trees, a whisper.
Rivers and far away oceans, a song.
The sun, a pulse.

We've grown deaf.

I found myself yearning to lie on the ground,
feel the ground.
Feel my body on the ground.
To just listen.
To belong.

7:22pm.
My body freshly bathed.
I lay there, on the ground.
I let go...
Muscles, let go.
Bones, let go.
Mind, let go.

I was transported to when my body was with yours....last.
To a timeless zone,
undefined space,
indescribable dimension where there is nothing,
but everything.
No one but you,
and me,
and the vast sky.

I saw myself,
I witnessed myself,
still being myself.
As deranged as that might be.

I was me,
not me,
still me.

And I saw yellow.

Yellow rivers in me,
in you,
in us,
all around us.

No beginning,
no end,
all expanding.

Yellow currents traveling through me,
through you,
from me to you,
you to me,
Our arms,
legs,
feet,
chests,
backs,
mouths.
And suddenly it soaked through to our surrounding.

Yellow.
Bright yellow.
Sunlight yellow.
Sunflower yellow.
Gold yellow.

Holy silence,
lovely sound...

Blessed darkness,
sacred light...

The Night has come...

The night has arrived,
the blinding yellows and burning oranges have been swallowed by the mysterious black.
Pitch black.
Yet hearts glow like the countless stars,
Eyelids close and desires breathe.

A secretive woman lies on her back,
Strokes her hair,
looks up to the sky.

A flirtatious smile,
A deeper inhale,
Eyes shut,
Chest rises.

It's the image of you.

She dreams,
but it's true.
She prays,
but there's no need.
It is true.

Her feet are like rose petals that caress your skin,
Her arms the wind that grabs, holds, envelops, and yearns to touch...you.
Her navel a placid lake, that wishes to make you float and bathe inside.
Her neck, a sweet waterfall.
She opens her chest to draw you in, to welcome you in.
She offers a warm meadow of green and life and peace.
Lay here,
Lay here.

She lies on her back,
Her movements now slower,
give in to the world of dreams.

She still smiles.

Eyes shut.
You're here...

A Yearn for Peace: desires of silence

I close my eyes:
"I am a seagull", I whisper.

If I were a seagull I'd flap away to a distant shore,
I'd find the place where the air is cool,
the colors sharp,
the sounds gone.

All sounds, gone -- but the rhythmic cadence of the waves,
an occasional murmur of the wind,
and my heart beat.

I don't know if I'd move.
I would look up to the sky and contemplate the clouds,
I'd flutter my eyelashes with ease as they stroll by.

The noise of a car,
The loud uproar of a truck,
The dinging of my phone (of some group chat I foolishly belong to),
brings me back.

"You're not invited", I whisper.

The city overwhelms me,
it depletes me.
It wants to touch me,
but I don't want to be touched.

Conversations bore me.
I'm impatient,
I'm restless,
There's got to be an emergency exit.

So much excess,
surplus,
gluttony,
extra,
too much.

"I am a seagull."

The Roads To You

I stare at my bare feet (right now).

My bare feet that have walked thousands of different grounds, 
over stones, concrete, fresh watered grass, light and dark sand,
felt different temperatures,
even caressed different bed sheets. 

My feet have taken me to numerous places, 
transported me to different worlds, ran through different decades, different shoes,
held my body in different weights. 

I've walked the roads I've intended to walk.
So far. 
Some (roads) with a higher degree of consciousness,
others with the impulse of intuition,
a few driven by an inexplicable force that emanates in the depths of my abdomen,
travels around and up to the center, most intimate spot of my sternum. 

(What is it?
Is it "something"?
Where does "it" come from?
Does it know where I'm going?
Where I must arrive?)

The roads to you.
(What happened?!)
The stars aligned 
(But that sounds too cheap and fortuitous)
The roads to you.
(How did I get here?!)
Who made this plan? 

The sweetest flower perfume could not match the intoxicating scent when you're close by.
The warmest water of a natural spring could not compare to how my skin feels when it touches yours.
I'm taken.
I'm lifted and taken to a place of nothing but everything.
There is no time,
There is no place,
There is no body part.
It's all unconfined, free-flowing energy generated by us.
It's light that blinds,
It's music that deafens,
It's taste that numbs.

The roads to you seemed intuitive,
The roads to you seem gentle, serene. 
I walk, but 
I'd run,
I'd swim,
fly (if I could).

You made my truth be free.
You make my truth alive. 

IF I...

If I were to be given a new name,
I would still carry these scars of forgiveness.
If I were to become a new flower,
my scent would not change.
If I were to breathe new air,
drink new water,
and feel new grass,
I would still cry when touched and sigh when kissed.

I walk the streets, sometimes,
binding the strings of my past to rays of light that fall on the ground.
I sing to birds, sometimes,
sending away new messages of love from this once broken heart.
I fall asleep, most times,
with faithful trust of my safe conquered land.

How is it that in a split second you can find a treasure?
A look,
A smell,
A smile,
A sudden touch that electrifies you to the verge of collapse?

How is it that an embrace can get you lost in space?
A thought,
A dream,
A recollection,
A forbidden fantasy you do not dare to share.

If I were to given a new name,
I'd still jump and fly and freeze and melt.
I'd shake if struck,
I'd pound if held,
I'd soften if loved.

(And then came September)

My eyes are transfixed,
hypnotized to the shadows that I see dance around me. 
Who am I?
Why am I here?

My eyes are transfixed, but my heart is traveling...reaching out to the hurting souls I do not know.
But I know of pain.
I am in pain, with you.
I said: 
       "I'm so deep into this pain I can't even call it pain anymore.
        I can't paint a picture of it,
        It has no color."

I no longer know if closing my eyes will allow me to turn my head away...
I catch myself unable to hear music, 
Laughter is disturbing, 
I'm off beat.
I said:
        "Noise
         Stop that noise."

How is it that I feel my heart pound, my mind thump, and I feel nothing? Think nothing?
How hard, deep, and long have I been damaged so I feel nothing?

I offer my forehead to the skies, 
look for answers in the vast space,
looks for answers in the sun, the clouds, the mountains during the day,
pray at the moon, the stars, and whatever is beyond at night. 

Little did I know the search was deep in me. 
The sun can light up the day, heat up the earth, the waters, 
but not my heart. 
The night can inspire the world to peace, rest, and sleep,
but not my heart. 
I said:
        "Breathe the pain.
          Touch the shame.
          Breathe the pain.
          Touch the shame."

Then I slept.
And I woke up.
And then came September...

Dreams now plant seeds in my heart.  
Seeds today,
Flowers tomorrow.
And then came September...

You came. 
I said:
        " Who are you?
           Where did you come from?"

He said: 
         " I see you."
I said:
         " So do I."

Now I wake up riding a wave of emotion that was born while I was flying in the clouds of my unconscious mind. 
Dreaming, Running, Swimming, Flying..
Where will this wave take me? 
Wave of water that turns into mist, 
into feathers,
wings,
into currents of wind,
rays of light. 
I'm suddenly floating.

Girl into woman,
Woman into bird.
My heart no longer surrenders to-
injustice,
fear,
shame,
violence,
lies. 

"Treacherous past", 
I say:
       "You can't touch me.
         You can't follow me.
         You can't catch me.
         You can't touch me.
         You can't follow me.
         You can't catch me.
         Because you can't fly.
         And I can."

Yes,
And then came September...
And so did you.  

Know My Heart

Know my heart if you want a way in.
Know what makes it shake, cringe, shrink, expand, hide, and explode. 
If you want in, 
If you want me...in,
Know my heart. 

I run like the savage boar that I am,
I run and crash in full force.
I run to open arms and open hearts,
I run to trust and safety.
I run to explode and join the stars.

But when the skies break, I'm gone. 

Know my heart if you want in...
In to the place of pure me.
Where it is thick, 
Where there is blood,
Where there is flesh,
tears,
laughter,
murmurs,
moans,
and ultimately love.

Know my wild heart,
untamed, intense, but so soft. 
Know my heart, 
the one that melts with fingertips that draw on my skin,
the one that thaws with silky words whispered in my ears.
Know my heart,
the one that gets lost when truth meets truth in someone else's eyes. 

Know. 
Know this is my heart. 
Not another.
Mine. 
No one else's.  
Not one that settles to pretense.

Know my heart.
Know this is my heart, friend.
Know this is my heart,
father,
mother,
sister, 
brother, 
lover.