What You Do With What You've Got

Heat wave.
Crazy days that feel like September--September being spring, sun beaming, inviting parks, eating outdoors.  
And yet it's July.  Mid-winter. 
I'm not complaining, just perceiving.
The weather report announces temperature drops for the following days, perhaps slight chance of showers. 
That's weather talk for today. 


I'm such a creature that is so immensely affected by my surroundings. 
Too sensitive? Perhaps.  
A bad thing? Not necessarily (although--and i'm placing this in parenthesis-- i sometimes DO consider it so). 


I notice the weather, i write about the weather, i speak about the weather, because it does affect me. 
Note to reader: i do not hide under my sheets when the day is dark, gloomy and rainy, just as i am not necessarily in ecstasy when the sun is shining.  
**But oh, what a happy lizard i am as i feel the warm yellow rays on my feet or back! 


I am sensitive...beyond the daily manifestation of the sky...i'm sensitive to energies, words and actions. 
As i said, maybe too much. 
It is my mission to live with it, live in it..and stop criticizing. Because i do it.  All the time. 
"why am i...(fill in the blank)"
"why do i feel...(fill in the blank)"
"if only i was...(fill in the blank)"


All this over-analyzing, over-evaluating, over-judging,
All this hyper-mental-activity, the on-going, never-stopping, ever-lasting busyness,
hustle and bustle, toing and froing, coming and going...
where to?
what for?
but i guess i should really ask:
SO WHAT?


My mind is set towards the road of ease, flat-lining, relaxing and anxiety-dropping. 
The road is oh-so-not-easy! Habits have been engraved for years.
My desires, my wishes, my well-being has long been postponed...
I look forward toward this new grassy-field.  Let me close my eyes and picture it so:
Extensive grounds of green.  Long, thick, fresh grass on which to walk barefoot. 
A breeze that blows with and through me, uplifting. 
Twinkling colors.
An easy pace, for nothing rushes me, nothing holds me back. 
Safe. 


I describe all this, and depict it in "poetry", but I open my eyes and cherish what i have, what i've got and work with it. 
This is a new road to start walking upon.  
Having a voice, holding it proudly, uniquely and with care. 



Eddi Reader-- What You Do With What You've Got.