In the English language, i believe, there is no different term to distinguish "being" (as in a human being) and the verb "being" (the act of being present).
I won't go too deep into that--i'm no language expert-- but it is curious, and it is important. My psychiatrist and I spent some time analyzing it actually. In Spanish there is "ser" y "estar". Quite different.
Something to think upon, and something i WILL write about soon.
Ba-da-boom! Let's rewind!
No, i haven't felt guilty. It has assaulted my mind, though, how i haven't been involved in writing much lately. In the sense of missing it.
Things have happened in my life...like BIG things: my niece was born for a start. (Kind of obvious if you read my previous post).
And other things, which are just as big, but rather internal. Insights, questions, feelings, resolutions, thoughts, experiences that move my colors inside.
Usually they happen at times when i can identify as being most present. You know that kind of mind clarity that is almost like vertigo, a little high, a little scary, but extremely exciting. It makes you stop and say: "woooow...yes!" or "wow...i see!" or just "wow.."-- with no explanation but with a pinch of epiphany.
It would be tiring and kind of deceptive to live life looking for these moments of epiphany. It's pretty much impossible. However, it's nice to have an openness and awareness to experience them, and catch them, as if you held a huge net and are out in a field catching exotic butterflies. Or looking at a starry sky and being able to perceive shooting stars.
Well, i've had loads of those moments...little ones. I can't and won't name them for it would probably take me a lifetime to make them explainable, describing context and connections that mostly I can make. Plus, it's the sweet, sour, salty, pungent, zesty juice inside me, that i like to keep inside.
So then i think: "oh! something to write about!" or "oh! sharing this tiny thought would be nice!"
At first I stressed a little bit, which is not very unusual of me, but then i made/make a click and let go. Seriously it's a click. A click that happens in my joints, that provides an extra millimetric space between my bones. A click inside my eardrums that lightly pops. A click in my scalp releasing tension. All those clicks of letting go. For i realize that those are all inside me, not running the risk of being forgotten or lost.
So svadhyaya (letting go) is something i've been practicing. In life, with life. I say this because it's taken me a while to fully understand that my practice, my yoga practice is everywhere and in everything. It's a yoga journey. Svadhyaya (letting go) in various levels and areas in my life: actions, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, people. It's ongoing, it's just beginning to sprout.
Funny how i've been into "activating" (bringing to life) almonds, walnuts, beans. Growing herbs, sensing the birth of Spring, and experiencing the arrival of Emilia.
All actions of life, creation.
I feel i'm activating svadhyaya for my benefit. For me and no one else. For me and not an idea of me. For me and not an idea of how others should/can have of me.
Does that mean stepping back? Maybe.
Does that mean slowing down? Maybe so.
Letting go, abandoning, gaining, but not escaping.
I write today. Because I can, because i WANT.
I write from love and pure communication.
I feel very connected, have felt very connected lately: to me, to what i believe it, to my well-being.
(and ironically--or not?-- my phone is dead).
Love & Light,
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