(And then came September)

My eyes are transfixed,
hypnotized to the shadows that I see dance around me. 
Who am I?
Why am I here?

My eyes are transfixed, but my heart is traveling...reaching out to the hurting souls I do not know.
But I know of pain.
I am in pain, with you.
I said: 
       "I'm so deep into this pain I can't even call it pain anymore.
        I can't paint a picture of it,
        It has no color."

I no longer know if closing my eyes will allow me to turn my head away...
I catch myself unable to hear music, 
Laughter is disturbing, 
I'm off beat.
I said:
        "Noise
         Stop that noise."

How is it that I feel my heart pound, my mind thump, and I feel nothing? Think nothing?
How hard, deep, and long have I been damaged so I feel nothing?

I offer my forehead to the skies, 
look for answers in the vast space,
looks for answers in the sun, the clouds, the mountains during the day,
pray at the moon, the stars, and whatever is beyond at night. 

Little did I know the search was deep in me. 
The sun can light up the day, heat up the earth, the waters, 
but not my heart. 
The night can inspire the world to peace, rest, and sleep,
but not my heart. 
I said:
        "Breathe the pain.
          Touch the shame.
          Breathe the pain.
          Touch the shame."

Then I slept.
And I woke up.
And then came September...

Dreams now plant seeds in my heart.  
Seeds today,
Flowers tomorrow.
And then came September...

You came. 
I said:
        " Who are you?
           Where did you come from?"

He said: 
         " I see you."
I said:
         " So do I."

Now I wake up riding a wave of emotion that was born while I was flying in the clouds of my unconscious mind. 
Dreaming, Running, Swimming, Flying..
Where will this wave take me? 
Wave of water that turns into mist, 
into feathers,
wings,
into currents of wind,
rays of light. 
I'm suddenly floating.

Girl into woman,
Woman into bird.
My heart no longer surrenders to-
injustice,
fear,
shame,
violence,
lies. 

"Treacherous past", 
I say:
       "You can't touch me.
         You can't follow me.
         You can't catch me.
         You can't touch me.
         You can't follow me.
         You can't catch me.
         Because you can't fly.
         And I can."

Yes,
And then came September...
And so did you.  

Know My Heart

Know my heart if you want a way in.
Know what makes it shake, cringe, shrink, expand, hide, and explode. 
If you want in, 
If you want me...in,
Know my heart. 

I run like the savage boar that I am,
I run and crash in full force.
I run to open arms and open hearts,
I run to trust and safety.
I run to explode and join the stars.

But when the skies break, I'm gone. 

Know my heart if you want in...
In to the place of pure me.
Where it is thick, 
Where there is blood,
Where there is flesh,
tears,
laughter,
murmurs,
moans,
and ultimately love.

Know my wild heart,
untamed, intense, but so soft. 
Know my heart, 
the one that melts with fingertips that draw on my skin,
the one that thaws with silky words whispered in my ears.
Know my heart,
the one that gets lost when truth meets truth in someone else's eyes. 

Know. 
Know this is my heart. 
Not another.
Mine. 
No one else's.  
Not one that settles to pretense.

Know my heart.
Know this is my heart, friend.
Know this is my heart,
father,
mother,
sister, 
brother, 
lover. 

Lightly, Gently.

Touch my neck.
Up and down,
All around,
Where neck meets back,
Where neck meets heart.
Lightly,
Gently.

Caress my arms.
Begin at my fingertips,
follow my skin inwards,
until you reach my wings.
Slowly,
Gently.

Travel the side of my body,
Learn my shape, my hips.
Move along,
Lightly,
Gently. 

Explore my knees,
Around, front, and back.
Maybe kiss them.
Slowly,
Gently. 

Kiss my toes.
One by one, 
Slowly,
Gently.

Awake

I open my eyelids and slowly submerge to daylight.  

It's early in the morning, probably a little earlier than most people would consider as morning. 

It's more like dawn. 

It's Saturday. 

The sky belongs to white, gray, timid blue. 

I know this hour.

It's the hour of the birds. 

It's the hour of quietness. 

It's the hour of whispering winds and secretive clouds. 

I lay still, open-armed, have not moved, just blinked.

A playful tear is born at the crease of my eye, running quickly down the side of my face, tickling my ear. 

A piece of my heart.

I sigh.

I'm still lying, motionless.

Careless thoughts float over me. 

Just like the sky, i'm open and vast, allowing these clouds roll by. 

Just roll.

I feel oceans, rivers, and lakes inside me. 

Oceans of feelings, passions, and dreams.

Rivers of blood,

Lakes of memories. 

Interconnected they are, and my soul bathes in each and every one of them. 

My eyelashes become wings of a butterfly.

I open and close my eyelids, giving birth to the possibility of rising and flying. 

I will rise.

With Light. 

With Sun. 

I'm surrounded by this feeling of belonging. 

Daybreak. Sunrise.

Initiation. Inception. Genesis.

It's the hour of Love.

 

Somewhere out there...

I don't believe in God. Not in the slim man, bearded man, that will judge me in my last hour.
I don't believe in fear, God.
I don't believe in punishment, God.
I don't really believe in repentance, God. 

We are precious beings that deserve to shine.
We are beautiful creatures that need to explore.
We are magnificent souls that can fly over the treetops. 
We are stardust that can dream...

Standing in a volcanic field,
Sitting on the edge of a yellow-stone rock over the Pacific,
Laying over a meadow of green grass,
Walking under a pitch-black sky with sparkling stars,
Breathing the fresh breeze that trees send my way with the most overwhelming whisper,
I now know...
We are one. 

You are my God, world.
You are my Goddess, nature.
I am you, and you are me.
Your pain is my pain,
Your flower is my flower.

Somewhere out there I was made.
Somewhere out there stars aligned,
Somewhere out there energies came together, sent me here.

I am here now.

I fly like a bird.
I dance and play like the leaves tease the wind.
I kiss like the waves kiss the shores.
I cry like the rain,
I laugh like the rainbow,
I make love like the sun touches and caresses the moon, making the night a beautiful mystery. 

I am yours.
You are mine. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCgpMGsr-L0