Topsy-turvy

There are not many moments when I feel IN my skin. I mean withholding the sense of stopping time—the inner ticking—and then have a wider, more wholesome awareness of just being here. 

Here, not there.

Here.

It is a peculiar moment. It is of mindfulness, yet a contemplation of the past.  What I have done, where I have been, explains where I am now.  Having that in mind, feeling it within every pore, every inhale and exhale, knowing it in every interaction, every intention—physical, emotional, sexual, psychological. 

Do what you feel, gear your chariot, say what you mean or shut up.

Children, animals, nature, act upon such simple-straight forward laws.  When did it all become so tangled and double-sided?

Ease, dis-ease.

Want.

Need.

Birth, growth, death.

I sometimes get overwhelmed with hidden meanings, detours and subtexts.

I get burned and stabbed with lack of humanity, all in favor of personal greed, ambition and acquisition. 

Isn’t it a bit sad how, when definition of “acquisition” is defined by a dictionary as: buying or obtaining an asset or object: Western culture places a high value on material acquisition.

Work, fight, moan, grin, show your teeth (grrrr..) for acquisition.

Acquire, purchase, obtain, WIN!

“I have this and this and THIS…oh, now I’m XX”.

Something in that equation makes my system collapse, makes my nerves twitch, and I am left with the great question: what the hell am i?

In all directions, to all coordinates I scream: I have no idea, and maybe I’ll never fully know.  But I’m here to try to figure it out.  Somehow, someway. 

The searching, the finding-the getting lost, the loops, the topsy-turvyness.

I’ll dance away,

My body might cease, but I’ll always dance…