3:06 am.
That's where I'm at.
Breathing and listening to the birds welcoming a new day. The sun is not even close to rising from the East, but there is a fearless faith that it will come, and offer new opportunities.
There is something about the stillness of this hour. No mental, complicated noise yet. It's just nature taking it's course, flowing-- just like the endless waves that hit the shore.
Fear.
I walked by the shore, hours ago, in the island of the Dominican Republic, trying to capture every second of what was in front of me: the feeling of the humid air and heat of the sun enveloping my skin; the millions of grains of sand under my feet, my body slightly sinking as I walked; the occasional brushing of the warm water caressing my ankles; the unbelievable landscape of turquoise water hitting the yellowish-whitish sand, thin long palm trees slightly slanted along the shore, insanely numerous beach chairs facing the water, and radiant hotel façades that peeked through the trees...
and just like now, I just breathed...
and then thought of fear.
What makes us fear? All living creatures fear...right? Yet there is something so beautiful, honest, and clean about animals. They seem to embrace fear, problem-solve, and then let it go. Seems so healthy and wise.
We.
We dwell on fear.
We search for fear.
We anticipate fear.
We run from fear.
We fear fear.
I walked and thought: at some moment in time, someone, (maybe a group of people), or some particular event in history transformed this natural state of being a weapon. A weapon to control, a tool to enforce power over another...and the dynamic of fear, punishment, and shame was born. Crucifying us...
I try to teach, offer, or at least try to provide a space of fearlessness.
I celebrate the risk, encourage boldness, and truly admire the courage of action. We are here to act. Live in neon colors.
We inhabit this environment governed by anticipation, anxiety, correctness, and fear. Our participation is weak.
We don't come to this world to fuck up. We come to connect and give and share and receive and feel.
Fear paralyzes.
Fear creeps on us. It whispers softly in our ears, and seduces us to "not dare", to forget about experiencing, it tricks us to play it safe, to hopefully not feel, to succumb to a greater, terrible (yet non-existent) overwhelming doom that lies ahead of us.
Fear permeates in our skin, takes over our brightness and makes us dull.
Now in Santiago I think of fear again.
You made me think of fear again.
I say: I'm not complying to the monster. I won't play it safe, I will be real. As real as I can be.
I want to be just like the birds this morning-- bold, open, faithful to the rising sun, to new opportunities, to feeling, and the beauty of being alive.
