White dust.

This is some lucid writing from a NYC based yoga/meditation teacher.  Some thoughts to share, ideas to communicate and hopefully allow further connection with who is reading...

All is impermanent. Everything wears out and breaks down. We can all agree on this, but emotionally, we want and expect permanence. On an emotional level, we resist change, impermanence, and death.

At the everyday level of frustration, we experience impermanence and use daily activities to shield us from our fundamentally ambiguous state of affairs. We expend a lot in order to ward of impermanence and death. We don't like it that the body changes shape, the senses deteriorate, and the mind fails. We don't like it that we age and will die. We are averse to wrinkles, sagging skin, thinning or grey hair. We use products as if we actually believe that our skin, eyes, hair, teeth, can somehow escape impermanence.

We all know we will die one day, but at the same time we have the habit of thinking that things will always be the way they are now, so in reality it is very difficult for us to imagine the truth of our own death actually happening to us.

The aim of Buddhist teachings is to liberate us from all limitations and to remove emotional blocks to happiness, compassion, and wisdom. Accepting the truth of impermanence isn't becoming negative or adopting a doom and gloom attitude, it just means we begin to see through the illusory appearance of things. Accepting the truth of impermanence also means we start to eliminate the habitual thinking that has made us so naive so as to think there is a way to escape uncertainty and death. As the truth of impermanence slowly seeps into our awareness, we gradually and wholeheartedly relax into the inherent groundlessness of our situation.

The fear of death hits us all,

The fear of letting go,

The fear of losing,

The fear of missing out. 

I see death as part of one big whole.

A wing of the magnificent butterfly called existence. 

A wing, so fragile and yet so forceful.

A little wing that allows us to fly.

Just one wing, for it's partner needs it for take-off.

This partner, called life is its mistress.

Its mistress, its lover, its inamorata, its beloved, its wife.

Both translucent, both covered by the magical gold dust of faith.

There is no life without death,

nor death without life. 

To think of such thing is a delusion.

See (really see) life,

Welcome (really welcome) death.

This does not mean don't live life and wait to die,

but live life and live death.

It is 8 am in the morning, the day is foggy and i feel i am in a world of white dust. 

I can barely see my tree neighbors, the mountains nearby. 

It is Friday, and my eyelids hold a heavier weight than any given Monday...

Yet in this misty, fuzzy, vague cloud I feel the clarity, smell the insights of the Buddhist teachings. 

Fía.

CONCERTO

when do we allow ourselves to bathe in our own breath?
feel like a drop of silky oil
surrender to the compassionate earth
and beat up and down in truth?

let it rain
(even if it's our own tears)
clean us away 
or tinker with our skin.

Bathe me.

let the song of those with us,
far, close, here and already gone
be heard.

Seduce me.

let me synchronize with your lungs
sway with you
undulate, ripple with you.

My back with yours
my hands find you
conquer slowly.
You are the sweetest 
rise and downfall.

what if i closed my eyes 
and felt you here, breathed you all the way here?

i'm oil
in.
i'm oil
out.
i'm oil.

i hum a little birdy song
a tiny concerto
tiny tiny.

-Fía.

Invitation

This is an invitation.
An invitation to speak.
To speak truly, really, honestly.
To speak whole-heartedly.
To speak with your eyes.
To speak with your back.
To speak with your hips, knees, toes.

This is an invitation.
An invitation to love.
Love with your skin.
Love with your neck .
Love with your lips.
Love with your shoulders. elbows, hands, fingertips.

This is an invitation to passion.
-Fía.


AN INVITATION-

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love

for your dreams

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shriveled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your

fingers and toes

without cautioning us to

be careful

be realistic

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand on the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

"Yes."

It doesn't interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after a night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the center of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

La Ciudad de Lavanda

La Ciudad de Lavanda

El Reino de los Grillos

La Ciudad Albina

Pasadizos de gatos

Lugar de maravilla. Lugar donde las hadas nacen y adquieren alas de colores. 

Entre los llamativos verdes lima-limón, verdes furiosos y verdes profundos hay criaturas jamás vistas. Se les escucha, se les presiente, se les huele...mas no se dejan ver. 

Viven en castillos de blanco. Blanca piedra, blancos muros donde quema el sol. 

La mano destructora, la mente aprovechadora de nuestra especie los aterra y no concuerda con su vivir. No se dejan ver.

He pasado mucho tiempo sola dentro de un concierto de gente. 

He estado en silencio rodeada de bulla.

Años de escaparme, y ahora soy mi mayor compañía. 

Yo conmigo observo mi mundo alrededor. 

    Mundo construido por mi mente, cuerpo, emociones y sentidos. 

    Una composición de realidad. 

    Los obstáculos son mis obstáculos. 

    Los desafíos míos...propios. 

En viaje.

Qué está al azar? Me gusta pensar que nada, pues todo es parte mía o parte de mí. 

Nada es trivial.

Para mí 

Contigo. Seas quien seas. Pero estas.

Las lecciones a aprender son mías, presentadas en el momento debido. 

Las tomo? Las ignoro? 

Me responsabilizo?

Yo conmigo misma, en mi silencio, en mi soledad logro disipar la niebla...poco a poco. Un poco. 

No es fácil y tengo momentos de debilidad.  

Aprendo, sí. Aprendo sobre la diferencia. Mi diferencia. Yo, tu, ellos, nosotros. 

Aprendo del gustar. Gusto, no gusto. Gustas, no gustas. Gustaré y gustarás.

Aprendo del estar. Del querer estar, de la elección. Es una elección.

En una tierra lejana, de lengua desconocida e irreconocible. En un lugar donde mi cáscara no se reconoce, pero los corazones laten igual y el cuerpo sangra igual. Los mares que emanan y recorren nuestras mejillas son igualmente salados. 

Inhalo el aroma lila,

Sigo el ritmo de los insectos,

Mi piel morena contrasta el blanco

Ronroneo de manera felina

Siento el sol.

Yo conmigo aprendo a amar. 

El expandir el corazón con pasión y compasión. 

Del amar entendiendo, comprendiendo. 

Amo con mi piel, amo con mis pestañas, amo con mis pies. 

Me ama mucho, poquito, nada.

Si la elección es tan simple entre amar y no-amar, por qué no jugar las cartas que tenemos y por qué no entregarse brazos abiertos al porvenir?

Un abrazo de pasión, donde sentiré tu cuerpo contra el mío, donde inhalaré y exhalaré tu mismo aire, donde nuestra cercanía nos derretirá haciéndonos viajar a alguna estrella lejana.

Fía.

HVALA, GRAZIE

Sola en mi plenitud. 

Momentos de silencios indescriptibles. 

Momentos de reflexión: de mis capacidades, de mis reacciones, de mis hábitos, mis tendencias con/para los demás y conmigo misma.

El sentido y deseo de tener hogar. 

El ser como soy.

El deseo de compartir. El deseo de entregar(me), recibir y construir. 

La importancia del lenguaje, lenguaje que ama, lenguaje que une, lenguaje que destruye.

La corrosión del dinero. El despertar de status, ambición y diferenciación entre la hermandad humana. Frialdad de alma. 

Los regalos inesperados, mágicos de la vida. El universo habla y uno escucha. El universo dibuja y uno ve. 

Los lazos verdaderos de amistad y momentos de compartir. Contar historias del corazón. Nadar, hablar, reír, querer.

Fuerza del corazón. Fuerza de mi corazón, que no se debe confundir con sensibilidad.

Enseñanzas del perdón. Del abandono del ideal, lo perfecto e inalterable. 

Respirar el primer y último aire. Bocanada de vida, beso apasionado. 

Estar. 

The wind hums in my ear,

I caress the white pebbles,

I am bathed by the blue crystalline water.

The shore.

I give myself to the beating surface that seduces me so.

Arms wide open, chest rises and falls.

I stare at the open sky,

so big

so vast

so wow.

I spread my toes,

electric feel

of being alive.

There is music inside me,

there is an endless canvas to paint,

words to whisper, hymns to chant.

Ser libélula

Ser Libélula 

Ser nube

Ser agua

Ser hormiga.

Los caminos del bosque

Las vías del cielo

Los recorridos de la montaña.

Tu espalda

Mi hogar.

The night creeps in, the light dims down.

Barriers, rationale, logic! 

No longer the driver. 

The feel of skin, the murmur of breath and the undulant movement of my spine, your spine-- is so rich. 

Chocolate fudge rich.

Is this the left part of the brain kicking in?

No language, just feel.

Colors.

Light.

Buscarte, encontrarte, regresar, continuar.

Enroscarme en tu pecho, volar junto a tí.

Como libélula, acariciarnos con alas full speed.

Como nube tocarte de manera coqueta y luego fundirnos en una nueva imagen.

Como agua unirme a tu fluir, deslizarnos juntos sobre rocas y brillar con el sol.

Como hormiga encontrar granitos de azúcar y transportar gotas de lluvia a casa.

Ser

Ser

Soy.

Puente

Puente

Unión de dos lados.

Unión de dos mundos.

Unión de dos cuerpos.

Conexión

Vía

Arteria 

Liason.

Cuándo es real? Cuanto?

Cuándo es fantasía?

Brujería?

Perderse entre los reinos de los deseos y lo que podemos tocar.

Me quemo.

Manos de fuego.

Mente de hoguera--me quemo y ardo.

Si mis labios y lengua se congelaran...

Puente de madera,

Puente de acero,

Puente de cuerda,

Puente de aliento.

Cruza el puente,

Llega hasta mí.

Camina sobre agua,

Ten fe en mí.

Puente 

Puente

Puente

Ven.

LA OTRA VIDA

La otra vida de una mujer del mar.

En tiempos aquellos donde ella era de montaña.

Jugaba con tierra, con ramas y pinos. Ahora con amigos de arena y sal.

Cómo no soñar con elfos, madera y radiantes rayos de luz entre las hojas? Si su vida era la tierra, sus colores verde y café. 

Mujer de piernas fuertes, manos ásperas, corazón palpitante, furioso, pero tan tierno.

Ahora se encuentra rendida ante las olas, con aire de algas, metálico, y áspera como la sal. Baila cuando llueve.

No sabe por qué, pero sueña con abejas y fogatas de madera. Encontrar rayos de luz en pétalos de flor.

Los astros le muestran su hogar submarino, azul. Su cuerpo de pulmones anchos la guían por corrientes y corales. 

Su pasión late y aúlla por correr praderas de maíz, como una aguja caliente que punza por su espalda y atraviesa su corazón. 

Por qué esta amargura? Este sentir inadecuado? 

Sus penas son breves pero vibran inquietantes. 

Mujer del mar con pies empolvados.

Conoce tu historia y ahora abre tu ser al mar y al amor de burbujas. 

Lloraste, sentiste, amaste y caíste.

La otra vida.

La rueda gira, el hilo se teje. 

Ayer, trenzas de canela, hoy canto de sirena. 

La otra vida.

Punza, late y se libera.

Se quema.

Desde alta mar mira la montaña. Sonríe.  Tu fuiste montaña, tu eres montaña y mar.

Esta vida...

Espuma.

Judgement of the moon and stars

The judgement of the moon and stars

There is something about being high and humble.

Something about free spirit and liberating soul.

There is much to be said about prejudice, judgement and condemnation.

Much to be said about right and wrong.

There isn't much word on being humble, surrendering and letting go.

Like the lover Juliet I call out for the night, the fiery night, the black mantle night. 

Where i would cut you out in little pieces and make of you a starry night. Make the whole world fall in love with night, forget about the sun.

The moon makes us howl, the stars make us fly. 

There is the beauty of being high, passionate, full of yearn, but so alive.

Is this the power of night? Or is it doom? 

I fall, I rise, I lose, I win, I burn.

...íbamos tan lejos que olvidábamos volver....

SITTING

Oh I'm on my way, I know I am, somewhere not so far from here
All I know is all I feel right now, I feel the power growing in my hair
Sitting on my own not by myself, everybody's here with me
I don't need to touch your face to know, and I don't need to use my eyes to see
I keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I always wake up the same (or so)?
And keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I even wake up again or something
Oh I'm on my way I know I am, but times there were when I thought not
Bleeding half my soul in bad company, I thank the moon I had the strength to stop
I'm not making love to anyone's wishes, only for that light I see
'Cause when I'm dead and lowered low in my grave, that's gonna
be the only thing that's left of me
And if I make it to the waterside, will I even find me a boat (or so)?
And if I make it to the waterside, I'll be sure to write you a note or something
Oh I'm on my way, I know I am, somewhere not so far from here
All I know is all I feel right now, I feel the power growing in my hair
Oh life is like a maze of doors and they all open from the side you're on
Just keep on pushing hard boy, try as you may
You're going to wind up where you started from
You're going to wind up where you started from
- CAT STEVENS

Destiny

Destiny.
Fate.
Chance.
Fortune.

All words that have been beating inside me.  Running through every bit of my body. This is not just poetic talk, but it's been a bit of a theme lately-- questioning the existence of fate.  Is destiny a part of my life, something i believe in?
I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason. I do have faith on the all-empowering knowledge, a certain logic, karma to life.  Understanding karma as "action-reaction". For me there is no luck. There are only opportunities to see, grab on to, and savor.  Opportunities rise constantly, rise according to our actions, our intentions, our curiosity and our attraction.
So, then...destiny?

Is it pure chance that i met you?
Is it casual?
Is it vain?

The things I feel respond to what?
My being here,
our timing,
is what?

There is no blind goddess turning the wheel blindly,
we build,
we can build.
Yet i feel it not trivial,
but willful.

The will to live,
i have.
The eyes to see,
the skin to feel,
the mouth to taste.
I hear.

Is it pure chance that i met you?
Is it pure chance that i'm here?
right here, right now.

Wheels that turn, fates that are sealed.
Sealed and opened.
Opened and burned.

**Fía.

SAMSARA

Samsāra.
The cycles of life.
The everlasting flow.
The births and rebirths.
The continuous wheel of existence.
"He flows into himself".

Whether you believe in reincarnation, that this is just one more passing cycle, one more realm in which we were born and from which we will die. Whether it is your belief, or not, there is one reality we can not escape from: death. All of us, one way or another, sooner or later, will no longer participate actively in this present world.

For one, this premise does not scare me. It used to. An automatic current of thought submerged my whole body and created this huge terrifying wave making me feel and think: "death is absolutely horrifying, scary, my enemy." There was also the idea that with death I was "cut short". Death meant losing something...a whole lot. I sometimes recreated the moment of death (it mostly, happened while I was on a plane, past 4 hours off the ground), and my monologue began: I didn't do this! I won't be able to do that!"...
So what am I doing at this moment? I have that. I found a great relief, an indescribable joy, freedom and responsibility placing the focus on the other end. Not running away or ignoring the presence of death, but welcoming it. Yes, remove the veil of avidyā (ignorance) and really observe, perceive, the presence of death in everything.
I once read this beautiful description and illustration of life and death: we are butterflies. We are born, have the divine possibility to transform and fly. We can only do so because there is life and death. As butterflies we have one wing that is life, and one that is death. We can only fly with the presence of both. Each just as important, each symmetrically a part of us.

Our life is not egotistically more valuable than anyone/anything else.
Yet it is extremely important, magnificent and divine.
We have star divinity, rich powerful magma inside.

Where do you fly with the wings of life and death?

I cherish life and have become more and more in love with its beauty.
I'm in love with you.
I'm faithful, I'm passionate, I'm caring, I'm loving.
(Immature love says: I love you because I need you.
 Mature love says: I need you because I love you.)

Samsāra.
The wheel of life.
Fly...

* if you haven't, WATCH this!

You've got me head over heels!

Darte Luz

Somos seres de luz.
We are beings of light.  Energy.

Break us down to it's minimal level, beyond atoms, beyond protons, neutrons and electrons-- we are energy. 
Cómo nos golpeamos la cabeza por lo material: lo que tenemos, lo que no tenemos, lo que somos y lo que queremos ser, cómo queremos ser. 
We go around bumping heads, beating ourselves up with what we have, what we don't have, what we are, what we want to be, how we want to be. 

Nos une la luz.  Nos une la energía que atraemos, que mutamos en nosotros y repartimos. 
Light brings us together. We are bonded by light--that which we attract, repel, receive, twist and turn, share. 

Donde hay luz hay obscuridad. La belleza los opuestos, la fe en lo opuesto. Siempre hay posibilidad de otro, de lo contrario, de rendirse y probar lo desconocido y distinto.  No hay sino que nos condene, no hay presente que no escurra y no se vuelva pasado. 
El elemento de fe, el poder de abstracción de estimar, decidir, confabular y encaminar. 
Where there is light there is darkness. The beauty of opposition, faith in the existence of the opposite.  There always lies amongst us something else, the other, the possibility of surrendering and trying the unknown, the different, the unusual.  There is no designated star, no oracle that condemns us.  There is no such things a present that does not slide through us and doesn't become past.
Faith, hope. The power of the abstract, of estimating, deciding, confabulating and directing.

Toda actividad y acción atrae, recibe, encapsula, comparte, entrega energía.  Desde lo que se considera innato, mecánico--como la respiración--recorre este flujo.  Actos complejos se atan al flujo energético. 
Luz. Frecuencia. Vida.
El acto de amar, en el reino físico como el emocional, es un pasar de energía. El ir y venir, el alejarse para acercarse, el entregar y recibir, el entrar y salir. 
Dar Luz.
Every action attracts, receives, holds, shares and delivers energy.  From what might be considered innate, habitual and mechanical--such as the breath--undergoes this flow.  Complex, compound actions all bind to this energy flow.
Light. Frequency. Life.
Love. The act of loving, both in the physical and emotional realm, sums up to a passing of energy.  The coming and going, the stepping away to come close, the giving and receiving, entering and exiting.
To Give Light.

DAR LUZ- (Elizabeth Morris)
Sombra no me dejes sola
no te vayas con el viento.
Puedo ser también tu sombra
dibujar tus movimientos,
ya no sé cómo explicarte
que tu lluvia me hace falta
que me ate al dulce veneno
de tu amor que se me arranca.

Dices que tienes miedo
que no te atreves a amar de nuevo.
Yo solo quiero darte luz
cobijar tus sueños,
abre esa ventanita del corazón
que has olvidado
antes de que amanezca
quiero saber si estas a mi lado.

Lluvia, mójame despacio
cada vez que estés desnuda
yo también puedo mojarte
repartir mi danza muda.

Dices que tienes miedo
y de repente desapareces,
yo me quedo en silencio
como tantas veces.
Abre esa ventanita del corazón
que estoy llorando.

I love you morning

Waking up before the crack of dawn.  
After silencing my alarm clock I lie on bed for a few minutes. What day is it? What is going on? 
Checking in with this world, saying farewell to world of dreams. 
New adventures to encounter, new obstacles to endure. 
OK. GO. 

I love mornings. 
I love love mornings.

I have been experiencing this new energy run through me. It has another quality. It's a giggle, it's electric.  It's like water running in, out, through.  It's also smoke, slowly covering every inch of my body. It's playful, it's sensual, it's creative. 
The feeling of being an animal.  The feeling of being instinctive, being alive and aware of what's going on around. 
The static winds have been driving me crazy with excitement. Wanting to go out and let it swirl me. Hit my face, breathe it in. 
The rain has shown me power. Has shown me about rhythm, waves of water; shown me the beauty of listening, waiting, letting go.

Today the mountains have shown me greatness. Beauty. Magnificence. 
The Andes today are pure art: provoking a range of emotions in me. Wanting to stand and stare. 
I love you morning. 

* Fía.

I fall

A drop of wine.
A round thick burgundy drop.
Luscious drops that blush my cheeks, heat my body.

I'm not much of a drinker, but there are moments when it surely is a good companion.

There must be a reason for my allusion to wine. It might be the predicted rain for these next two days that make me want to run and hide in some remote place surrounded by nature, by a chimney, a bottle of wine and some nice company.
The light and heat of fire, surrounding my skin, dancing in front of me.

My eyelids slowly open and close...each minute making the opening and closing a bit longer. I feel my body, my mind, surrendering to the possible impossible. To the possibly maybe. Where I can travel, visit, experience with no boundaries--no time, no beginning or ending, no consequences or fear.
I speak different languages, I speak with no words. I meet the forbidden, I reach the unreachable.
And blink, blink, blink.
I'm giving in, I give in, I surrender and fight no more.
How nice and seductive it feels to let go and fall into the arms of night.
To fall into arms, fall into you.

You conquer me.
I follow.
I breathe you.
I suck your air, which makes me dizzy.
Head over feet.
I smoke you in,
I drop my head back.

How much longer can I resist?

I fall into you.

Far Away, So Close

So much has been said about this idea.  So close and yet so far...and vice versa, far away so close. 

I think this is a nice way of pointing out that the physical world is only one dimension to things, and that inversely, real connection, true bonding, close hearts can sometimes not necessarily touch.

I write out to i don't know who.  I sometimes feel like it's a direct voice to someone/something. Sometimes it is just a voice to myself. Sometimes it's just a crystallized drop from my inner fountain, without a receiver. 
Still i write.  From a place where mind meets heart meets body. 
I feel things. My words arouse me.
Never been so truthful. 

Far away so close.
You are.
Far away so close.
My dream.

Far away so close you put me to sleep.
Far away so close you rise me.

The blackened sky and diamond stars envelop our bodies.
If i were wind, i'd travel towards your skin.
If i were air, i'd search your lips.

Far away so close.
You are.
I dream you.
For there we meet, for there you are.

Far away so close.
I'll meet you.
Resisting is useless, you are not here.
But you'll come.

It's what we yearn, what we attract and what we dream. Doubt is the enemy, loss of faith is doom. Colors, life and love are always with us, ready to be found.

Fía.

Howl

Howl.

I howled. Two nights ago. Literally. I felt the spirit within me take over. A larger light rising.
Under the rain, literally. Below the high voltages of lightning and the rolling of thunder. Literally.

And it was great proof of how we are all coming from the same blood, the same mother nature, born from the same sap.
I saw myself as bird, as wolf, as feline, as flower.
Looking up. Senses activated. Full attentive.

And there is something greater.
A greatness that sprouts from within, and then surrounds us. 
I felt nothing and everything under the shouting night. 

Nature spoke, and my animal spirit responded. 
Literally.

Was it a coincidence that I was watching a film about the Tree of Life?
Is it a coincidence it has been something I've been discussing and reflecting upon lately?
Is it pure chance that I cover myself every night with an Indian illustration of the tree? 
...

I am fascinated observing the world work. Fascinated by discovering my being here, my relationships and how each connection is absolutely unique, one and only. 
There are moments when i just don't want to talk, and i call for feeling, exploring.  I'm a bit tired of empty blabber or conversations that lack blood. I listen to politics and it's all a miserable show.  Bad taste and very far away from truth. I see how language has deteriorated and now it's all empty words with bad spelling, lack of meaning. 
I want to cast some light on simple, full, rich moments. 
Holding, caressing someone else's skin...with yours. 

Feel the rain. It's falling..from the sky. 
It cleanses, it bathes, it's water (life!) falling down on us. 
There's lightning and energy, there's light. 
Thunder. Roaring. 

Howl.